I am greatly honored to have been asked to write the foreword to this issue of the ESSAY on lust.

Soon after the death of Roy K. (the founder of Sexaholics Anonymous), I became very concerned that without Roy’s living presence, there would be no consistent voice telling the fellowship that lust is the problem. Therefore in 2009 I wrote a piece for the ESSAY called, “Lust Is the Problem.” I truly wanted the fellowship to remember that Roy’s primary emphasis was on lust. Unlike other fellowships, where the emphasis is on the powerlessness over acting out, Roy’s emphasis was on powerlessness over lusting. The SA version of Step One does not mention sexual behavior at all. But it certainly mentions the word lust.

It’s been 15 years since I wrote that article, and I still hear SA members focus on sexual activity over lust. It’s difficult to get the idea across that it’s lustful thoughts that lead to sexual actions. Without lusting, our chances for staying sexually sober are greatly increased.

“Lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust” (SA 4).

Jess L. said this about lustful thoughts, “The first thought is on God, that’s how He made me. The next thought is on me.”

I still hear minimal mention of lust in meetings, while sexually acting out is commonly the predominant theme. This is interesting despite SA’s membership requirement being “a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober” (SA 7, notice the order).

How many people join SA from the inside out? How many people are ready to stop controlling and enjoying lust from the outset? I think people are more concerned with staying sexually sober so as to avoid consequences rather than to stop lusting, which no one typically knows about anyway. Many of our members seem to think so-called “technical sobriety” is the end all. But technical sobriety, without sobriety from lust, usually leads to relapse.

Roy gave us practical solutions in the White Book chapter, “Overcoming Lust and Temptation.” It’s telling that people call it “the 18 Wheeler.” I think it’s another way to avoid the word, lust.

Let us focus on the primacy that our founder placed on lust and give rebirth to our desire to stop lusting and a deeper meaning to a desire for sexual sobriety.