There is a good story in the AA Big Book, called “Acceptance Was the Answer.” The author writes, “At last, acceptance proved to be the key to my drinking problem,” and goes on to say, “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

My sponsor introduced me to this passage fairly early in my Step work. If I cannot accept life as it is, good and bad alike, then I am basically saying that God is not running the universe in a manner that suits me. When I get caught up in how I want things to be, I have moved away from God’s will and toward self-will. And self-will is the sunblock of the Spirit, causing me to lose my daily reprieve from sexaholism.

My sponsor also introduced me to the concept that whatever happens to me is God’s will, even when it doesn’t seem that way. For example, I had a horrible marriage that ended quickly. Afterwards I remember telling a therapist there was no way that it had been God’s will for me to enter that marriage. Yet years later, I realized I needed that horrible experience in order to learn how unmanageable my life was. It was only after I got divorced that I began to take recovery seriously. Was it God’s desire to have me suffer through those two years? No. Was it God’s will? Yes. That was the only way I could learn what I needed to know. God let me go through hell for two years, and then when I had done enough “research,” I was removed from the marriage (and divorced) against my will.

I had another, less dramatic, example. I decided to go back to college, and I made a special trip to campus to get my new ID. When I arrived, I found the office had closed earlier than usual. My first response was to get angry. I was upset because it was not easy for me to make it to campus during business hours, and I’d put in a good bit of effort to get there. Now I would have to do it again! A few days later, I returned and was able to get my ID. On the way out, I walked past a table where a job recruiter was sitting.

Two and a half years later, I am still working with that company, grateful for the good job and benefits that I have. If the office had been open when I first visited, I would not be with my current employer. In my limited view of the world, I got angry and upset because things were not happening the way I wanted. Yet, in hindsight, everything was going according to God’s plan. I could have saved myself quite a bit of agitation if I’d been able to simply accept the closed office as a part of God’s master plan for me.

In “Acceptance Was the Answer,” the author writes, “…and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” This has been my experience as well.