My name is Abdelbarie, and I’m a sexaholic. Friends in America would pronounce my name Ab-del-BAH-ree, but to be honest, it’s the word “sexaholic” I’m still not used to. I never knew exactly what was wrong with me. I thought I was just a normal guy with a nasty porn and masturbation habit. As it turns out, I’m not normal at all.

Last year, someone I knew sent me a link to an online SA meeting. Nothing made sense to me at first, but I thank God I was desperate enough to give it a try. I had nothing to lose, so I looked for a sponsor and started working the Steps. Then the Steps worked on me.

SA’s first gift to me was a diagnosis of my problem, and I learned my problem wasn’t porn and masturbation as I had assumed for so long. My actual problem was lust! I had tried to quit many times, but nothing ever worked. It only got worse. I was like a cigarette chain smoker who says he wants to stop but spends all of his time in an unventilated room full of cigarette smoke. Every time I stopped watching porn and masturbating, lust only intensified inside me.

SA showed me my problem, but it also introduced me to the Solution, which for me started with the overall Twelve-Step program of Sexaholics Anonymous. This Program taught me to build a personal relationship with a Higher Power who will keep me sober one day at a time for the rest of my life as long as I stay in the Solution. I don’t have to submit to the temptations anymore because, instead, I can ask a Higher Power for help as I surrender my lust to Him and to my new fellows.

Because of SA, there is finally hope for the sexaholic who still suffers in Morocco. With two online meetings, we decided to start in-person meetings as well. By the grace of God, there are now two weekly in-person meetings in Morocco, and we try our best to work our programs with the assurance that a Higher Power will send the newcomer to us when we are ready to help him (or her — only a Higher Power knows for now).

I remember going to my first in-person meeting and talking with someone about my struggle with addiction. A realization came to me after we spoke: For the first time in my life, my inside finally matched my outside. I could be my authentic self without fear of him judging or humiliating me. And I didn’t have to worry about my inside matching anyone else’s outside.

Being a part of this fellowship of men and women who are honest with themselves gave me the opportunity to be myself for the first time. I could share my darkest secrets without fear of being judged or humiliated. It provides me with a safe place to grow, which is something I will be forever grateful for.