The Sexaholics Anonymous (White Book) material on the 5th Step provides excellent guidance for both the person presenting and the one hearing the Step. The book says, “Ideally, the Fifth Step should be taken with one’s sponsor…” I strongly agree. The 5th Step is addressed in Chapter 6 of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action.” I encourage you to read these sections of both books prior to meeting with your sponsor. I even more strongly recommend that the sponsor read this before sitting down with the sponsee. The White Book notes that this is a very special time that should not “be subject to schedules, interruptions, or distractions.” Whenever possible, I suggest starting early in the day. Many will choose to take the Step at the home of the sponsor or sponsee. However, I know of 5th Steps successfully taken in churches and quiet parks.

When working with my sponsor, I present my written inventory. We review it together. He can often see a pattern that has previously eluded me. He may point out where I overlooked selfishness, dishonesty, self-seeking, or (my personal favorite) fear. He may guide me to see the motives that I have hidden from myself. And, he is nearly always the one to see where I demonstrated love, courage, or some other admirable trait. Remember, these inventories are to identify our assets as well as our liabilities.

I try to provide similarly useful feedback with sponsees. While I am willing to confront denial, dishonesty, or bragging, I also want to affirm willingness, honesty, and courage. I truly believe that in the deepest depths of our disease, each of us tried to choose the least destructive options we saw at the time. As we learn better options, we do better. I need to let go of my shame for not knowing what I had never been taught or shown. I need to support my fellows as they learn to do the same. I frequently share an example of my own poor choices to let my sponsee know he is not unique. When my sponsee is finished, I generally ask if there is anything else that he has been too afraid or ashamed to share. I remind him that we are as sick as our sickest secrets. Once he has taken this Step, withholding nothing, we review the 5th Step promises from Alcoholics Anonymous page 75 and I send him to the next page to take the 6th & 7th Steps.