My name is Brad and I’m an addict. A SAD addict. That’s not the state of my condition; it’s the state of my life. SAD stands for Sex, Alcohol and Drugs. These aren’t the only addictions I have.

I’ve always been addicted. I’m currently serving time in a Utah prison, my third time. There are a lot of things I want to talk about. First, I’ve always run from myself. Denial was my first, middle and last name. I had nicknames — projector, blamer, justifier, rationalizer, blackmailer, victim, just to name a few. These are all part of my disease. I knew I had a problem, however, when I went through the process of the prison system. I was given a re-hearing but it was no use. I couldn’t advance levels. I was stuck where I was. This would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

I remember the last few minutes before I was arrested. I was once again asking God to bail me out so that I could do it again just as I’ve always done. It was that day that I gave my life over though I did not know it at the time. God was only a word to me. After doing the Twelve Steps of AA, I’ve come to know God. God has always been there. I’m the one who ignored Him. I’m living proof that God does for me and has done for me what I can’t. The Big Book says that God could and would if He were sought. He did things without me even asking. Today I seek and I’m overwhelmed with some of the miracles of recovery. I never knew what recovery was.

Humility helped me stop digging my hole. I hit my bottom. I’ve always had problems with women and this time I was embarrassed enough to see something. God again. Step Two says, “We Came. We Came to.” For me, being embarrassed woke me up. It wasn’t until after I did the steps of AA that I really could get to the core.

I’m a sex addict. Alcohol and drugs were only a way to act out in all of my forms. My drinking and drug use was linked to my sexual lifestyle in some form. I thank God for placing a certain person named Kevin B. in my life. I heard him talk about being a SAD addict. I heard him talk about his issues. That gave me the courage to ask him. He gave me the address to SA. I wrote and was given a book and information that has changed my life forever. The book of SA has enhanced my spiritual life. After all, I suffer from a spiritual illness. Drugs and alcohol weren’t the problem; they were outside symptoms. The problem is my inner self and me. I’m with myself 24/7.

Working on my sex addiction has helped me finally connect with a female without sex. My wife and I have the best relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve also been able to form a wonderful meaningful friendship with another man. I don’t feel I need to compete anymore with males.

My belief system was that the more women I slept with, the more of a man I was. I felt I needed to be accepted by my peers so off I went to discover life. I did not realize that I was sick. I’d like to thank all those involved in SA for their experience, strength and hope. You all have reached me behind the walls.

I would like to get involved in any way I can. There isn’t an SA meeting here. If anyone out there would like to work on SA material, sharing through the mail, please feel free to write me. I can use all the support, feedback and advice anyone has to offer. So, if anyone needs to practice the Twelfth Step, here’s an opportunity.