Calling out the myths in service helps her to identify what is true.

My sponsors taught me that service is essential to my recovery and that I cannot completely work the Steps without it. Working together in service gives me a rare opportunity to put my program into action. Recovery is about healing relationships, and that occurs in the small everyday interactions. Recovery is in the small stuff.

I would like to say I stepped up for service, but it was more like I was pushed into it—first as an Alternate General Delegate and now as a Delegate. I also serve on the Literature and Public Information Committees. 

Another essential service was supporting an SA sister as she faced extreme struggles within an SA service position. According to her, I provided an invaluable service as I walked with her through that very difficult time. We must all—men and women—face the challenges of having difficult conversations, hopefully with someone standing beside us. My friend’s difficulties were, in part, due to the discomfort created as she confronted issues in SA based on misunderstandings and false beliefs—myths. 

Many of these myths are common in SA. Here are some examples.

Myth: It is acceptable for men to “speak their mind” to women in the same way that men often speak to men in conflict, in aggressive tones or with disrespectful words.

Truth: People, especially women, often come to SA after years of verbal abuse, gaslighting, manipulating others, and being manipulated, resulting in low self-esteem. They may be emotionally fragile and cannot tolerate aggressive interactions, so they leave.

Truth: Others won’t tolerate this type of communication, so they leave. 

Myth: If a woman is uncomfortable in a meeting of only men, she should find a different “S” fellowship that has more women.

Truth: There may not be any other “S” fellowships available in her area.

Truth: SA is a fellowship of men AND women. We offer a solution with a clear, structured sobriety definition needed by many of us to get and to stay sober.   

Truth: A welcoming attitude, support, and resources are what’s needed. Our responsibility statement says, “I am responsible. When anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of SA to always be there. And for that, I am responsible.” 

Myth: A woman being comfortable in a meeting with mostly men is an issue for the woman to fix by taking care of herself. 

Truth: We all share the responsibility to create a safe place where we can work together. Women alone cannot repair a system that involves men and women.

Myth: Men and women need separate meetings where they can share explicitly.

Truth: Considering the competitiveness many of us have, is there a risk of competing with acting-out drunkalogs? To avoid this, many sponsors will allow sponsees to share explicitly on a one-to-one basis.

Myth: SA already has resources for women.

Truth: Most current literature was written by men. We need the female perspective. Some give conflicting messages. We need resources of improved quality.

Myth: It is okay for men to make decisions about what women need without their participation.

Truth: Women have unique needs and experiences. They deserve to be included in the decision-making process for all members in SA.

Myth: A Women’s Welcome Packet (linked from sa.org) separates women and leads to isolation.

Truth: Not having such resources isolates women from recovery and from each other.

Truth: A Women’s Welcome Packet will support the still-suffering woman to get started in recovery.

Myth: Women’s fear of attending a meeting full of men is unjustified.

Truth: Women have been stalked after meetings, flirted with, hit on, harassed, and even assaulted in a meeting. 

Truth: Trusted members can make sure to be there to keep the meetings open, providing information, and showing up for everyone’s safety. 

With attention to these issues and direction from Higher Power, we can better prepare ourselves and our meetings to carry the SA message of recovery.

In conclusion, I want to quote Nathalie V. from page three in the June 2024 ESSAY:

“We need each other to grow effectively in recovery—not grow against each other, but with each other. We practice healthy relationships with the opposite sex in SA, and this helps us outside the program too.”

Let’s equip ourselves to carry the message effectively by attending to the “small stuff”—improving our relationships and applying our skills with each other in service.