He learned how to fire his old God and hire a new and caring one.

When I was a boy, I called out to God many times, especially when I was in pain. My father physically and verbally abused me. I begged God for him to die; I cried in prayer for things to be different. But the abuse got worse. It is hard to understand why this happened, and some things I may never understand.

Before recovery, I debated God’s existence. Maybe we are all just batteries that die, are finished, and get thrown away. Who said there is even a God? Look at all the religions with mutually exclusive claims. 

There was just one big problem;  my life wasn’t working. When my wife discovered that I had been writing fantasies involving people she knew, she threw me out of the house. I was on the verge of losing my wife, kids, and everything I had worked so hard for. 

I came to the Program and found a sponsor. He said  I needed to have a relationship with a higher power to recover from sexaholism—there was no other option. My sponsor explained how my previous concept of “God” did not need to be the God I served today. He showed me how to write a letter firing my old God: the one that punished and hurt me, the one who was always looking to get me. My childhood led me to believe in a God that was like my father. 

I needed a new God. The one I chose constantly seeks my good and takes care of all my needs. He is becoming the “Daddy” I never had—someone I can talk to, bring all my fears and worries to, and ask for guidance.  

The greatest gift I received was a God refusing to let me live without a relationship with Him. It was only through sexaholism, which caused my family and me so much pain, that I received this most amazing gift. This gift is the pleasure of living with my Higher Power one day at a time. I am finally home.