I was born into a large extended family in eastern Canada. My father held down two jobs and operated a mixed farm with his father. My mother was young and overwhelmed with responsibility. When my father was home I would try to talk to him and do things with him but I had little or no success. I realize today he was trying to recapture some much needed sleep.

The whole concept of “sexual anorexia” is an issue for me. Some therapists seem to use the term to describe someone who is sexually shut down from their partner. However, “sexual anorexia” is not an S-Anon approved term. One thing we do know for sure that is supported by both SA and S-Anon is mutual abstinence: 1) it ensures a drying out period for the sexaholic; 2) it allows a period of time to focus on our own recovery and regain other aspects of intimacy and friendship in our lives that were lost or never before experienced. It is a time to learn that, in fact, sex is “optional” (see SA Solution in the “White Book”).

My name is Bill; I’m a sexaholic, sober for four years and two months.
One of the most effective tools in my recovery has been the daily renewal. The renewal is a daily ritual in which two people in the program ask each other six challenging questions. By thoughtfully answering “yes” to each question, one is making a truly active choice to stay sober.

I just finished reading the Essay article entitled “A Safe Haven?” (Fall 1999, p. 12). I was reminded of similar experiences I had at an AA meeting a few years ago. At my home group we had a member who suffered from grave emotional and mental difficulties, and who didn’t seem to be benefiting much from not drinking. I no longer recall whether he was on or needed to be taking medication for his condition, but I remember his rage and threatening comments.

Through the help of the SA International Central Office, I am in contact with an SA member here in Tanzania. Your work in serving the fellowship is saving lives. The translator of the AA Big Book into Ki-Swahili lives in Tanzania. He took me to the Ki-Swahili AA meeting. On the shelf of the room was a book describing sexual addiction! Soon our SA White Book will be on that shelf.

The New Jersey Marathon on November 6th in Cranford was a special occasion in SA history. The subject of victory over lust took the spotlight as the speaker challenged the eager gathering of SAs by describing the stages of his own progressive victory over lust. He offered joyous hope to any still wondering if it is actually possible to honestly “stop drinking” or who are unhappy with their own stage of lust recovery. The talk was in two parts: first sharing the stages of his own lust recovery, and then offering a new approach as breakthrough experiment. The talk was privately taped and transcribed for the Essay. Part One, Stages of Lust Recovery, appears below. Part Two, The 1935 Akron Experience as a Program for Lust Recovery, will appear in the next issue of Essay. The speaker was Roy K., who was asked to condense and edit his talk for publication.

There is an opening on the Board of Trustees for a non-sexaholic trustee. If you or your group knows someone who would qualify, please notify the Nominations Committee via Central Office. An eligible candidate would be a friend of SA and able to fill the duties of Trustee. Interested parties should submit a service resume and a letter of recommendation from an SA member, group, or Intergroup. A questionnaire for candidates is available from Central Office.

The first SA and S-Anon meetings have now started in New Zealand by a member who attended the January Conference in Sacramento. There is also a lone member in Wellington.

Following are portions of an e-mail sent to SA-Net by Dorene S., chair of the delegate assembly, regarding SA sobriety and the Tenth Tradition issues:

Following are portions of two reports sent to SA-Net by Dorene S., chair of the delegate assembly, regarding the Cleveland “Statement of Principle” vote:

In Cleveland on 9 July 1999, the Delegate Assembly and the Board of Trustees unanimously approved a clarification of SA’s sobriety definition. The approved statement of principle is as follows:

A few months ago I began sponsoring a man whose enthusiasm and personality are contagious! His disease landed him in jail for two months plus a few months of “work release,” and a whole lot of years under restrictions and the watchful eye of state officials.

I had just decided to give up and I cut off the SA phone line. The day after, I got some calls. I now have six people, including myself, who want to start a group.

Today the world is adrift on a sea of rapidly shifting mores. Change is accelerating at an unprecedented rate. The last eighty years have surpassed the rate of change of the last eight thousand, and the last thirty have probably surpassed it all. Every aspect of our lives and sexual thinking is affected. Thousands of voices clamor for attention, preaching new “freedoms” of every kind. Was it not but a few years ago that “shacking up”—what the courts called “cohabitation”—was thought to be abnormal? Today it is called a “meaningful relationship” or having a “significant other.” And witness the new movement to legalize incest.

Despite having a strong SA community in my region, the Fellowship here is facing a serious problem that I believe could one day lead to disaster.

Conference attendees were asked to write some of their thoughts and experiences on the conference theme—Honesty, Open Mindedness and Willingness—for sharing with the Fellowship at large. The conference organizers and the Essay wish to thank those who shared. Following is a selection from almost 150 submissions.

My name is Michael and I’m a sexaholic.
It feels weird to say that in front of several hundred people. It’s not something we can be very proud about in front of the normal public, but it’s something I can say here with confidence that it won’t go beyond the doors. Back in 1940 or so it would be awfully strange to say to a crowd this size that you were an “alcoholic.” This is a very strange disease, and it has a lot of shame to it. What’s wonderful is to be able to be in a crowd this size and know that when I talk about how awkward I used to feel and how wonderful I feel now, there’s a bunch of people out there who know what I’m talking about.

We are very excited about our upcoming trip to the Southeastern Correctional Facility near Lancaster, Ohio. We purposely scheduled this visit around the SA International Conference in Cleveland on July 9 – 11, as it is our hope some members attending the conference will be able to visit the facility July 9. We will leave the hotel at 10:00 a.m. and return at 10:00 p.m. The facility is about three-and-a-half hours south of Cleveland.

The last edition of Sexaholics Anonymous Member Stories was published in 1989. We currently sell about 500 copies of this every year. The SA Literature Committee intends next year to publish a new volume tentatively titled Member Stories 2000.

Recently a motion at my local Intergroup almost failed to win approval. Had it failed, two members with less than 30 days’ sobriety would have provided the margin for defeat. By comparison with AA, on whose experience the Traditions are based, the sobriety of AA representatives to Intergroup is generally measured in years. At the group level, many SA groups require members to have 30 days’ sobriety to vote at business meetings. Intergroup reps should have at least the same length of sobriety to vote.