Although I’ve been sexually sober since August 4, 2018, lust dreams have been part of my life since I discovered masturbation at age 12.

I awoke one night with physical discomfort in my neck. The following night I awoke with a neck ache and a lust dream that prompted me to say the Serenity Prayer. I fell asleep, had another sex dream, awoke, and prayed the Third Step Prayer. This cycle repeated three more times during which I prayed the Seventh and Eleventh Step prayers. Upon waking after the final sex dream, I cried out to my Higher Power, “God, what the hell?! I’m trying here!” I then lay quietly in bed, took a Step Ten inventory, scanning my thoughts to see what was wrong, why I was so upset, and if any amends needed to be made. I realized that I had ongoing living amends to be made. This led me to work Step 11, considering my plans for the day ahead and how I would work/live Step 12 with a sponsee and SA friends that afternoon. It was at that point I felt a sense of serenity, peace and release of all tension in my neck and body.

I remembered page 64 of Alcoholics Anonymous. “When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.” I felt compelled to say a prayer of gratitude to my Higher Power for this spiritual program of action. One of my favorite quotes from Alcoholics Anonymous is page 85, “What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all our activities.” In order for me to progress in my recovery from lust, I need to continue to surrender daily my will (thoughts) and my life (actions) to my Higher Power and to help other addicts. I am grateful to be an active member of SA and I hope to meet some of you as you trudge the road of happy destiny.