At the Madrid convention I was prompted to share one of my early surrender experiences relating to Roy K.’s 18 suggested ways of surrendering lust hits and gaining daily progressive victory over lust.

In my early sobriety I had negative sobriety and I either consciously or subconsciously believed there’d be just one more relationship out there to fix me. Now that I had given up acting out the lust wanted to fight back. In a moment the fantasy spiraled out of control and a telephone number of an acting out place came strongly to mind. I reluctantly surrendered and white knuckled through it, only just maintaining my physical sobriety. I felt desperate and fearful of the consequences of acting out.

One of the fellows I phoned suggested that I write the number on a piece of paper, pray sincerely and then burn it. I chose, in an unmanageable way, a waxy piece of card and wrote the number on it. I found my last remaining lighter and said a prayer, “Please remove this number from my mind,” and set the lighter to the card. Nothing happened. I repeated the process and lit the card again, nothing. And again, and again, getting more fervent each time. “GOD, I BEG YOU, PLEASE REMOVE THIS GOD DAMN NUMBER AND I’LL STOP LUSTING!” I yelled out loud. The card went up in flames and the number was burned. I never deliberately tested the system by recalling the number and the number never came back to mind.

It would be nice in a fairy tale way to say I have been sober ever since. Maybe I have but I cannot be sure of the exact timing of this event. Anyway I am only sober this moment and today and may need to repeat this measure if afflicted again. It would be a pretty strange truck with 19 wheels, maybe a fellow would like to draw it? But this method would be my submission for the 19th wheeler, ARSON! Please don’t set fire to your house in an effort to stay sober. Don’t act out even if your ass is on fire!