Dear ESSAY,

I am one of the twenty-five inmates, here at Adrian, MI, that Keith S. wrote about in your last issue. Thank you, Keith, for so many things.

Our weekly SA meetings are nothing short of inspirational. With little left to lose, those who attend our group do so in humility, courage, and a deep sense of need. Many, if not most, of us understand that Spirit-led self-examination is the key to finding the root of any addiction. Plans are being made for a second group as the word spreads of SA’s healing message and gentle effectiveness.

On a personal note: Four years ago, I lived as a world-traveling executive who could wake up in Tokyo and go to sleep that night in Paris. One day, I surveyed my boat at the end of the dock I’d built, looked over my cars in the driveway, and slurped the super-sized vodka martini I’d just made. Sighing in quiet desperation, I painfully waited for my wife of eighteen months to come home from partying with her friends. In loneliness and resentment, I felt my heart open. From somewhere deep within, I asked the empty room, “Is this all there is to life? God, I am only just a tool, certainly. You must know how to use me. Can you use me, Lord?”

Six months later, I was in prison.

Divorced, stripped of twenty-five years of hard honest work, I’d lost everything including my honor and self-respect. Obviously, I didn’t know what I’d asked of God. He had no use for a pride-filled arrogant fool, so one of us had to change!

Now, four years later, I find myself working on the things that really matter. Tempered in God’s crucible of the soul, and guided by the Twelve Steps, I am chipping away at the walls of those “this fool” had hurt. Like a plow blade, I am cultivating the land of forgiveness which I am convinced is heaven’s realm on earth. And one yearning soul at a time, I am planting the healing seeds of love and caring.

My estranged daughter of twenty-one years is finally writing me, even though she still expresses her feelings of rejection and abandonment. I relish this information. All of my years of selfishness — caring only for my addiction — kept her from having a father. But God has placed in my heart the understanding that if I return each stroke she delivers out of pain and fear with love and hope, we will both be healed.

Having lost a small fortune, I’ve come to realize how little such things matter. Winning the rat-race is no victory at all. The real treasures are those of the heart. The twinkle in a loved one’s eyes, the smile on a child’s face, the tears that flow from reconciliation and forgiveness are the true treasure of this life — and the next.

In our meetings, I am surrounded by men who are no longer blinded by their egos. They have faced their own corruption, and understand what Hope, Faith, and Love really mean.

Many people think that hate is the opposite of love. It is not. Fear is the enemy of love. Fear keeps a person from knowing him or herself, from knowing others, and especially from knowing God. Examine your fears in humble courage and you will find your greatest revelations — and your greatest peace.

Sincerely,