I’d like to share something that happened to me after I’d been sexually sober for about seven months. I am just starting to experience life as a recovering sexaholic. Through God’s grace, my soul has been opened to a whole new way of living. At first, it was through not acting out. Then, as I got sober and my sobriety progressed, things began to get more positive. Today less of me is in the problem and more of me is in the solution.

Conscious contact with the God of my understanding through prayer has become a great part of this new life. I pray in the morning on my knees after I get out of bed. I call another sexaholic every weekday and we pray together. I pray on the train ride into the city where I work. Lately, my prayers in the moment of temptation have been especially helpful and effective. Every night before I go to bed I get back on my knees, thank God for the day (both for the good and the seemingly bad), pray for His protection in my sleep, and for others. I pray for SA, sexaholics I’ve met at conferences, and my sexaholic friends here in my hometown. I need to start praying for S-Anon.

It was after my evening prayers one night as I lay in bed that my addict decided to pop a lust image into the VCR in my head. This kind of thing starts in my mind, takes over my body, and finally consumes my soul. But not this time. I had said my prayers and I was ready and willing to work my program. I remembered a sentence from page 166 of the SA White Book, “Cast it out!” I lay in bed motionless, but in my mind I hollered “Get Out! Go Away! I want no part of this temptation! Lust is an unwelcome visitor in my soul! Get out of my house!” Over and over again.

Then I experienced something like a vision, something I’d never experienced before. In my mind and in my soul, I felt the presence of my Higher Power. He walked over to me as I was casting out the lust, put His arm around my shoulders and said, “Good, that’s how you do it. Good for you.” This may not seem like much, but I did get to sleep sober that night.

As I see it, God really is doing for me what I can’t do for myself. For years, I’ve been trying desperately to get that exact kind of acknowledgement and encouragement from my father and others. My sexual acting out was just a destructive way to try and fill up this hole. I thank God I don’t have to act out anymore. I just don’t have to do that anymore. I have a new beginning, a new way, and a new life. Thanks in large part to all of you.