JOB SUMMARY

I am seeking a timeless and relevant God to assume ownership of all my affairs and provide guidance for all future decisions. This God will negotiate all interactions between me, my true self, and the rest of creation. My new Higher Power will direct my steps to either avoid or correctly navigate difficult and painful situations, self-induced or otherwise, at His discretion. Being infinitely capable, this God will provide all necessary resources and power for me to accomplish His will on a daily basis. The ideal candidate will lead by example exhibiting perfect love and compassion in all situations.

RESPONSIBILITIES AND DUTIES

• Provide explicit direction, when sought, for my next correct step in any given situation

• Pursue loving relationship with me even when I neglect to seek Him

• Love me unconditionally and demonstrably

• Hold me accountable for my actions and their consequences without shame or condemnation

• Walk me through the meticulous dismantling of all emotional, behavioral, and spiritual boundaries I have constructed that impede my connection to Himself, His beloved child within me, and those around me

• Comfort me in times of struggle and despair

• Delight in me

QUALIFICATIONS AND SKILLS

• A thorough knowledge of my internal workings infinitely beyond my capacity for understanding

• A thorough knowledge of all other aspects of creation infinitely beyond my capacity for understanding

• Ability to see all conceivable outcomes of my choices and determine the absolute best possible course of action for me

• Infinite patience with me and my habitual patterns of weakness, doubt, and self-delusion

• Infinite love for me as an individual

• Inherent desire to lovingly and patiently guide me to the best possible outcome he has determined for me

• Absolute authority over all of creation

[Ed: See Letter in Dear Essay]