In the personal story near the front of the White Book, the writer says, “Masturbation again” (SA 14). So here I am, with two years of SA sobriety, doing my Step One again, at my sponsor’s suggestion. The process was similar to the first time I did Step One, but this time it was more fruitful because I was not acting alone.
My name is Pablo and I’m a sexaholic. I attend the SA fellowship here in San Antonio—and it’s a great fellowship! I first came into SA two years ago, in November 2013, and I just turned 24 this week. Recovery has been a long journey for me since then. I’ve struggled with working the Steps and staying sober.
I have been a member of SA, and by the grace of God sexually sober, for the past seven years. My sobriety is not the product of my best thinking or willpower, because for 28 years I searched for sobriety but could not get one full day lust-free.
In May 2012, I found SA and became very curious about how the program worked. I got a sponsor right away, and she told me that one way to get myself out of my head—to stop thinking of myself—was to become involved and be of service.
I just left an SA meeting, where a young member’s share struck fear into my heart. He reminded me of my own past, and I was so profoundly moved that I felt compelled to share a bit of my story with him in the parking lot after the meeting.
Today I’m tired. My body aches from a long week, and I feel physically and emotionally exhausted. In many ways, I am experiencing the “HALT” (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) symptoms described in the White Book (34). Although I’ve been fasting as part of my religious practice, I’m not just hungry for food.
I’m grateful to have celebrated five years of sexual sobriety this past August. I don’t believe I would be sober (or three years married!) without help from my Higher Power, Who has helped me find progressive victory over lust. Through the fellowship of SA, my Higher Power has given me the tools that others have used to surrender lust, one day at a time.
Some of us come into these rooms crawling on our hands and knees because we know we have no option other than to stop our destructive way of life. Others, like myself, are pushed into these rooms and—if we are fortunate—we too discover that we had no other options, that our lives are unmanageable, and that we are insane.
I’m a lust drunk from England, sober for 20 years—since April 12, 1995—by the grace of God and the fellowship of SA. But my road to SA was a long one.
I’m Bernd, a sexaholic from Munich, and I’m grateful to have been a part of the Munich team that organized (with God’s help) the German-Speaking convention this year. The convention was held in Zavelstein near Stuttgart. The theme for the weekend was “Honesty.”
