My journey into sexual recovery started when, after a particularly sordid and degrading sexual experience, I discovered I had crab lice. When I realized this, there was a sinking feeling of terror in the pit of my stomach…. Waiting three months for the result of an HIV test, fearing the worst and wondering — knowing — what the reaction of my wife would be, was the most painful experience of my life. I was in such distress and I had to hide it from everyone around me. I hadn’t been to church in years, but there was one near where I worked. I went inside, got on my knees and begged God to help me. I knew there was something wrong with me but I didn’t know how to deal with it.

God answered my cry for help. He directed me to a counselor who told me about sexual addiction and knew all about Sexaholics Anonymous. What a revelation! I never dreamed that such a thing existed, but identifying the problem gave me hope of recovery. Ultimately he put me in contact with two other sufferers and together we formed the first SA group in this city.

Members came and went and sometimes I found myself alone at meetings. Eventually, after a long period of slipping and a great deal of pain, I started working the Steps. One day I realized I didn’t have to do the lustful things I had been doing anymore. I also realized that I had found the God I had always wanted and I experienced a wonderful feeling of peace and love.

I now know that recovery is different for everyone, but for me, recovery came when I handed my will and my life over to God and started trying to do what he wanted of me.

Until that time I had been rebelling against God — I could feel myself pushing him away when I was on my way to a slip — and my dealings with others had been based on self-centeredness and lust. My will had not only been causing me to slip, but it also tainted my relationship with my wife, family, colleagues, friends and myself. I didn’t think that I could feel shame, but I just felt bad about me.

Turning my life over to God changed that. I found that it really wasn’t so hard. God wasn’t going to ask me to do anything that I couldn’t handle without his help. In fact life seemed to get easier. By little miracles, things just fell into place. God was helping me to do what he wanted me to do and this was so much easier than fighting him. However, recovery wasn’t a complete breeze. There were still a few character defects to sort out. Having those revealed, particularly my need for humility, and dealing with them was very uncomfortable.

Since I turned my will and my life over to God and worked my recovery, everything has changed. The relationships I have with my wife and children are loving and wonderful. I am happier and more effective in my work and I finally have confidence in myself and my abilities. I no longer need to feel afraid, because God is in charge.