I want to share a brief concern shared by other SA’s I talk to. It seems that at times — maybe most of the time — the First Steps given during meetings become way too sexually graphic. This morning I spoke to an SA newcomer who is really upset and was not going to return because of the First Step given last week.
Hi. I’m Bill. I’ve been sober for seven years. I’d like to share a new tool that’s helped me in my struggle to become increasingly lust-free.
Not long ago, I did it: I put a Desire chip in my mouth. And no, it didn’t melt.
How lust has affected my life! I seem to have been in a lust trance most of my life. I was never aware of what was wrong and it kept me isolated from having a normal life and relationships.
I had early childhood experiences that would probably be considered steps in the formation of homosexuality. Despite these early experiences, I saw myself as heterosexual. When my sexaholism began to exhibit itself, it was through straight porn, phone sex, and strip clubs.
My sobriety date is 8/28/02. I don’t know what to think, what to do, or why I am even sexually sober. I do know that until I was introduced to SA I was completely hopeless every day. I would return from meetings of AA and go to adult material viewing places because it was only a coping mechanism. Acting out was killing me, but the thought of spending my life without acting out was unbearable.
Love. Paul said it was patient and kind. Kahlil Gibran said that without it life is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. The Four Aces called it a many splendid thing. But what is love when it comes to Twelve Step programs, Sexaholics Anonymous in particular? In my opinion there are two kinds of love, equal yet different, when helping people in SA. They are Tough Love and Gentle Love.
Harvey A. raised a very important issue concerning our definition of sobriety (ESSAY, 2002, Issue Three). I believe that we all owe him a debt of gratitude for initiating this discussion and I am happy for the opportunity to participate.
I am glad to be a sexaholic because the symptoms of the disease leave me desiring God. I get to be with God all day and to give God’s very presence to others.
I’ve just concluded writing out my Fourth Step moral inventory followed by a Fifth Step given to a priest. So many wrongs were uncovered that I had to write a supplementary inventory after doing the Fifth Step.
