It’s the third Friday meeting of the month in San Francisco. As usual, the room is quieted by a Step Five letter I’ve just read aloud. The letter was written by a prisoner we’ve never met. We’ve heard other prisoners’ stories, but none of the other crazy shares quite compares with this one.
It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m having a great conversation with a fellow SA member about the Eighth and Ninth Steps and the amends letter he is trying to write to his wife. It’s not unusual for me to spend my Sunday afternoons this way, except that this one is happening in the visitation room at the state prison, and today is Father’s Day.
What a life. Great job. Tons of friends and a loving family. Oh, did I mention that I’m insane? Clueless and selfishly delusional, I spent years wreaking havoc on others while projecting the image of Superman. In early 2007, my addiction to Internet pornography landed me in jail.
My name is Scott; I’m a recovering sexaholic serving a 6 1/2 to 13-year prison sentence for sexual abuse. It has been my great privilege to be a sober member of SA since March 24, 2006.
I didn’t want to go to the SA convention, “Serenity in the Rockies.” The title seemed cheesy to me, and I hadn’t experienced anything close to serenity in a long time. But my sponsor had instructed me to go, and I reluctantly agreed.
It’s hard to say exactly when and how I became a sexaholic. At age 10 or 11, I was given a pocket calendar with a picture of a naked woman on it (I was so deeply impressed that today I can still remember the calendar). After that I would often go to the market in my neighborhood looking around for more “sexy calendars” hanging on the walls of the stalls.
Today I know that I’m not in charge of my life. I know that there is a God, and that I owe my continued sobriety to my relationship with Him. But it has taken me a long time to learn those lessons, and I’m still learning them today.
One day I realized that although I had spent generously on my addiction, I’d been pretty stingy with my giving in recovery meetings. The selfishness and denial that had blinded me to lust also blinded me to greed.
Dear Fellow SA Members: Question: What is the purpose of the Delegates? Answer: To serve the fellowship. That’s why we are called “servants.”
Acceptance is a big part of my program today. Acceptance keeps me out of expectations (premeditated resentments), resentments, and revisited resentments. I can take “hits” off of any of these, and these hits can lead me directly to lust. One thing that helps me a great deal is using three simple slogans.
