Addicted to an Attitude
I am addicted to an attitude. This is very different than being hooked on something that is outside my body, like drugs or alcohol. I am powerless over an attitude that involves instincts other than my sexual instinct.
Step Ten Every Day
Every morning while the water is heating for my coffee, I write in the notebook I always carry in my pocket. This is in the form of a personal letter to God on the following topics: my feelings, how I am doing, and what I am harboring.
Twelve Rewards
Why am I here? Dear God, help me find these twelve rewards:
Euphoric Recall
Some sexaholics say they had euphoric recall—making it sound pleasant. Today, I realize it is addictive craving and delusional thinking.
Isolation Kills
In my addiction, I isolated. No real friends. No real connections.
Acceptance
There is a good story in the AA Big Book, called “Acceptance Was the Answer.” The author writes, “At last, acceptance proved to be the key to my drinking problem,” and goes on to say, “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”
Promptly
Why do I do things the hard way? For example, the other day I was lying awake in bed and kept slipping into a sexually explicit fantasy. I would catch myself, stop, pray, find myself slipping back into it again, catch myself, stop, pray, and so on.
Pioneers and Settlers
In a recent counseling session, I heard the well-worn phrase, “There are two types of people in this world….” Immediately I started guessing what my counselor was going to say. Men and women? Bright and stupid? Addicts and co-dependents?
Sexaholic at Ten Years Old
I believe I was a sexaholic at ten years old. I remember at that age undressing the girls in my classroom with my eyes. In my mind the girls were nothing more than robots.
SA CFC
Dear SA, My Sponsor by Mail suggested I write to SAICO to request being put on the mailing list to receive ESSAY. Receiving and reading it will help me, and I can also share it with our SA group here at the prison.
