In early recovery, sexual dreams were a new and scary experience. Prior to sobriety, I had only experienced one “wet dream.” It occurred early in what turned out to be eleven and half years of celibacy. The only SA program literature available at the time seemed to indicate that these dreams were a loss of sobriety, so I re-set my sobriety date each time one occurred.
When it comes to recovery, I have a learning disability. If I don’t hear program truths coming out of my own mouth and the mouths of others, I tend to forget what I’ve already learned.
My thinking is often confused when I get a lust hit. My fantasy goes on overdrive and I imagine several scenarios that seem very real and possible. Much of this is triggered and supported by emotions that make the fantasies appear reasonable: “Of course she wants me to stop my car, go over and hug her!”
Lack of power, that has been my dilemma. Not only am I powerless over lust, I am powerless over everything else.
Although I have discovered a number of people I had harmed who did not appear in my Fourth Step, the list of people against whom I held resentments was an excellent place to begin. I had to remember that in the Eighth Step I was merely making the list.
I admit that, through lust, I have warped my mind into such an obsession for destructive acting-out that only an act of Providence can remove it. Lust bleeds me of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. I am bankrupt. My personal weakness is the firm bedrock upon which a happy and purposeful life can be built.
An open letter to my Oklahoma City SA and S-Anon friends! You provided a first class convention, hotel, meeting location, and down-home hospitality for the July 2004 convention.
When I was a boy growing upon the farm, I was a very private, shy person, and it was very hard for me to ask anyone about sex. So when my neighbor introduced me to sexual activity, I was ashamed to talk to anyone except the priest in the confessional.
Here is a selection of comments we have received with renewals for the ESSAY.
At SAICO in Tennessee, we are entering the summer season with a positive, upbeat outlook on life. The weather is better and things are looking up. The deficit that we had to carry for the last two years has shrunk to about $1,000 since the first quarter.
