For me, the concept of SA surrender calls to mind the image of a balloon being inflated. As air surges into the balloon, a battle begins. The air, called lust, says, “Ever see a balloon burst? It doesn’t have a small, neat hole in it. It is totally blown apart. I’m going to burst you into tatters and shreds.”
I have been sober in SA for a little over four years. I would like to share some things that have worked for me as a single sexaholic:
Every time we say—and it sounds contradictory, doesn’t it?—we are trudging the Road of Happy Destiny, trudging sounds like a burdensome sort of thing, and Happy Destiny a bit odd, too. And every time we say that, which is at every meeting, there’s a sort of a snicker, or you feel a heaviness, or there’s a bit of a smile as you say “trudging the Road of Happy Destiny.”
We want to thank all members who have helped us to carry the SA message to sexaholics in correctional institutions. Progress is being made, as comparisons of the last two years demonstrate:
At the SA International Conference in Sacramento in January, the SA General Delegate Assembly reported on the results of a survey of SA groups on the question of whether the SA sobriety definition needed clarification. [See “Newark Motions Implemented” in Dec. 1998 Essay, p. 12, for background.]
The Third Step prayer reads: “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63).
The high point of the Sacramento conference for me came when my friend Alex* asked me to attend a check meeting. He was dealing with the difficulty of a separation from his wife and had sought the counsel of an old-timer who had many years of experience with check meetings. The old-timer offered to lead the meeting and gave Alex the names of some women to ask as well.
What do frogs, Bill and Lois W., and kisses have in common? For me, a sex addict, each can trigger my obsession to act out sexually.
Recently a former sponsee came to me in a personal crisis. He was in a financial jam that I saw was clearly the consequences of his disease. I “let him have it”—for his own good of course, and with the best of intentions.
For the typical lust addict, our whole system screams out that we’re going to die if we don’t take that “drink.” It’s too fearful not to drink. Lust is our spiritual life-support system. Yes, the fear is that real. So, we wind up drinking. We’re hooked on it and remain a slave. It’s the fear of this kind of death that keeps us in bondage and forces us to keep slipping with lust.
