I used to think that the feelings of emptiness and loneliness I so often experienced in early sobriety were key amongst the triggers so inexorably leading me back to my drug — whether in sex with myself or to yet more of the same old relationships. Nowadays I am coming to see those feelings for what they really are, a sure sign that I have already acted out. Those feelings are not the cause of my acting out, but the result of it.
As I experience recovery, I’m finding that all the work I wanted countless others to do, I have to do myself. “The program is simple … keep the focus on myself … it works if I work it.” How many times have I heard those things! And it’s true! Over and over [I see that] simple works, and when I don’t keep it simple, I isolate and stay in my head and go nuts with resentments and anger, blocking what God is trying to tell me.
I am a 47-year-old sexaholic, lustaholic, alcoholic inmate, serving a sentence of 18-80 years, for a variety of crimes. The majority of my life has been spent behind the walls of one institution after another. This is the only “home” I know. There was a sex crime involved in each one of my adult convictions (but I began acting out at the age of 13).
I went to meetings and tried to live in the Program. I got closer to God, talked “about” the Steps, called people up—and some things changed in my life—but I was still in control. Only after I came back from a four-month residential treatment program, when my current relationship fell apart, when I didn’t have a job anymore—when I was just confronted with myself and without my drug—only then could I finally surrender to the fact that I couldn’t manage my own life.
It has been such a long time since I last sent a letter to our SA Central Office. I thank God today for the willingness and the courage to write.
In a ski-lodge on the side of a snow capped Mt. Kosciusko, Australia’s highest mountain, the first Australian SA Conference was held over the last weekend of April. … Members attended from Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, and Northern New South Wales. Greetings to the conference were received on tape from a loner in Brisbane and by letter from a member in prison.
The Sunday West SA group of Portland, Oregon is alive and well. Our fellowship has around ten attendees on any given Sunday night.
The working paper has hit the nail on the head. Thank you for naming the problem. When I first came into SA, I came into a very strong group. The group was my sponsor as there were no women sponsors available in SA. I knew I could stay sober going to this group every week. I came into the fellowship in March 1989. I had wanted SA sobriety for a long time before I knew that there was a group with this sobriety.
Here are a few of my own SACC and prison experiences I would like to share with you:
COOC continues to receive advice and consultation on various tax and employment issues concerning employee vs. contractor status for former employees of the Central Office. The new accountant in Nashville has prepared the Annual Report for 1994, pending double checking of some figures. The accountant will file an extension on the 1994 tax return, Federal and California State.
