A few years ago my 12-year marriage was collapsing, my wife was ready for a divorce, we were growing apart, and I couldn’t understand it. Today it is clear to me that I was the problem. I was obsessed with myself and my stuff, and I was obsessed with other women. I couldn’t keep my eyes and mind off them.
We have recently begun something new here in San Diego—an open Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. I have not heard of this being done elsewhere in the fellowship, and so would like to share this experience with you.
Our first SA meeting was held on the night of August 15, 1993. After more than two years of waiting and praying for an opportunity to carry the SA message to another suffering fellow, the most joyful moment in my progressive victory over lust came when I personally welcomed a native of Papua, New Guinea, to my room and had a direct heart to heart sharing with him.
Portland Sunday Night East is fluctuating with attendance between 18-35, and sobriety from none to three years. Dennis B. is acting secretary and Dan K. is treasurer and everything else. Two members celebrated one year of sobriety: Dan P. in August and Dan K. in October. Also Matt B. will celebrate one year in October.
Our group is still small—nine in all—but we have good attendance at meetings, and growing sobriety. Honesty and solid sharing mark our meetings, which include at times hearty laughter, at other times the weeping that comes from intense pain or joyous release. Not everyone has a sponsor, and that’s troublesome. We’re also working on starting and closing our meetings punctually.
On Tuesday, September 7th, the first SA meeting in Saudi Arabia, to our knowledge, was held in Dhahran at the house of one of the members. So far there are only two of us, but we have some literature which I brought from London, and we both have experience of other Twelve-Step programs.
We celebrated our first birthday in the Tokyo Group in August. We average four or five members every week—three come by train, the farthest traveling two hours. A few Japanese who speak English well have joined the group and eventually we hope to begin a Japanese SA group.
The quality of sharing in meetings has been on my mind, off and on, for several months. I’ve been finding it increasingly frustrating when the sharing veers off from the topic introduced by the lead speaker.
As I read through the history of SA and of AA, one thing becomes very obvious. We are not helpless when problems arise at the meetings. We are not helpless precisely because we have the strength of the Higher Power to lead us, if we but seek His way and His will, and if we have the fellowship of one or two like-minded members.
As a recovering sexaholic, I am constantly amazed at how my perception of the world continues to clear up as I accrue more recovery and sobriety. Just the fact that I have been able to draw a distinction between recovery and sobriety is a testament to the fact that my “fog” has begun to lift. This simple separation has been key for me, for as we have all seen, and maybe even experienced, mere sobriety is just not enough if we are to truly be “happy, joyous and free.”
