Surrendering her life to God through the steps I am single in SA. And I am content. How is that possible? It is possible because I feel content each day as I surrender to my Higher Power's care. I don't look into the future about what that means. My focus is on today.
She came to accept Higher Power’s plan for her. I had to learn to love myself, not in the way a conceited person does, but as a precious child of God. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and to remember I am a precious child of God. Not a perfect one, but a work in progress with my Higher Power molding me to His will. I am not in charge of my life; my Higher Power is in charge. I have to accept that Higher Power knows what is best for me. I accept that Higher Power's plan for me is to be single. Being single is not a failure. I am grateful for the lessons my Higher Power has taught me about loving and liking myself as a precious child of God.
The January 29 reflection from The Real Connection has had a profound impact on my recovery.
"Have you worked the Steps on this issue?" Sylvia asked me that question regularly when she was my sponsor. The question stays in my head, and it comes to the surface when my Higher Power knows I need help. Seven women received many wise suggestions from Sylvia as our sponsor or as our friend. We united in our grief to have an online memorial, a memorial on Zoom, and a memorial published in the June ESSAY magazine. Sylvia passed away in October 2024. One of the women interviewed me and Sylvia's former sponsees and friends to paint a picture of her gifts of experience, strength, and hope.
I wept nearly every day in my first year in recovery. What a contrast with the previous 25 years, when I acted out sexually whenever I felt sad. In doing so, I had stuffed so much grief inside me that when the dam broke, I thought the flood would never end. There was a lot of pain down there. All those losses that I had never grieved: the death of my father when I was a teenager; many lost loves; two broken marriages; separation from my children; two failed careers; hard-won fame and fortune gone. There was a world of sadness here that I had never expressed naturally. I had just “moved on” to the next career or relationship, until one day I was 12th-stepped.
A Legacy of Recovery through the Eyes of Those She Helped
Flirting Was a Real High for Me by Sylvia J. (at six years SA sober) with the original 1989 title Reprinted in Member Stories 2007, pages 120-123 with the title “The Only Way I Knew”
Sylvia participated in the early history of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) and was a primary figure in the development of SA’s current service structure.
نام من دیو است. من یک معتاد جنسی در حال بهبودی هستم و به لطف خداوند و این انجمنِ شگفت‌انگیز، از اول آگوست 1985 هشیاری جنسی دارم (مرداد 1364). من زمانی وارد انجمن معتادان جنسی گمنام شدم که به امید نجات‌دادن ازدواجم از همسر اولم جدا زندگی می‌کردم. با این حال پس از دو سال پاکی، نهایتا طلاق گرفتیم و به لطف خداوند، کاملاً متوجه شدم که نباید در هیچ نوع رابطة عاشقانه‌ای باشم، چه برسد به یک رابطه متعهدانه. این موضوع زمانی برایم روشن شد که در جلساتی که در یک مرکز مشاوره برای خانواده الکلی‌ها برگزار می‌شد، شرکت کردم. در آن زمان یک سال و نیم پاکی داشتم. متوجه شدم که خانواده خودم نیز الکلی بوده‌اند، بنابراین ملاقات با یکی از درمانگران آن مرکز را آغاز کردم. همان‌جا بود که به یک نوار کاست درباره هم‌وابستگی و قرار ملاقات گوش دادم؛ آن صحبت‌ها، یک رویکرد سالم برای ایجاد رابطه عاطفی در دوران بهبودی را توضیح می‌داد
وقتی در سن ۲۶ سالگی وارد SA شدم، مجرد بودم. هوشیار شدم و در طول چندین قرار ملاقات و رابطه، هوشیاری‌ام را حفظ کردم. همسرم را پس از ۱۶ سال پاکی ملاقات کردم و در طول دوران آشنایی و ۱۲ سال زندگی مشترکمان (تا به امروز) نیز هوشیاری‌ام را حفظ کرده‌ام.
