I’m Mike, a sexaholic, and I’ve been sexually sober since June 3, 1984. I’m grateful to the members of my home group, who have helped me stay sober for the past 30 years. I’m also grateful for my wife, who probably should have dumped me many times over the years, but for some reason she has chosen to stay. We have a pretty decent marriage today—but it wasn’t always that way.
The other day a friend called me with a question. He said that, at an SA meeting he attended the day before, he discovered that he had the most sobriety in the room. He asked me whether he could learn anything from a meeting where he has the most sobriety. I told him that—no matter how much sobriety I have—God is able to speak to me through other members with less sobriety.
My wife and I were putting away our Christmas tree this past December. It’s an artificial tree with lights wired into it, and it looks pretty in our front window at night. But packing it up for storage is a struggle.
I just returned from visiting a loner who lives in Slovenia. This man has 21 years of SA sobriety, but because of the nature of his profession, he has been unable to attend meetings—although we did have two meetings whilst I was visiting there. This member subscribes to ESSAY, and for many years he participated in a letter-writing circle within our fellowship.
I am a low-bottom sex drunk who has been sober now for 29 years. Yet today I’m writing about a most glorious spiritual journey that I only recently made. The purpose of my journey was to bring the message of recovery and the miracle of my sobriety to fellow sexaholics throughout Europe.
In our meetings, we often discuss Step One as it relates to powerlessness, but we seldom talk about the second half of Step One—unmanageability—in terms of insanity. Step Two states that we can be “restored to sanity”—so that must mean we are having problems with insanity to begin with!
As I travel to many states and countries sharing my recovery message, I’m often asked the same question: “When and how should I tell the people closest to me that I’m a member of SA?” While each situation is different, I try to pass on general principles.
I have been sexually sober now for 28 years. When I first came into SA, the fear of relapsing (and of the subsequent pain that relapse caused) helped me to maintain my sobriety. Fear of getting another venereal disease, fear of being arrested, fear of losing my wife and family, and fear of getting further into financial difficulties all seemed paramount to me. But today I know that fear and pain are not enough to keep me sober.
Yes, my mother once stabbed me. I was probably 15 years old when it happened. I am now 72. I could never use the word “stab” until I had been sexually sober for many years in SA.
I first came to SA on November 27, 1992, and I’ve been sober ever since. When someone asks me what I’ve done to stay sober, my answer is always the same: “I don’t know. I did not do it; I have a Higher Power who shows me that He can do it.” I thank God every day for my sobriety—but I’m in a very hard place today.
