In meetings, I have often heard sexaholism referred to as “it.” It is cunning and baffling. But my experience has revealed that there is no it in my life, there is only me. By making my sexual compulsiveness an it, I’m trying to minimize my problem in order to make it seem more manageable (by me). It is not cunning and baffling; I am.
When I was new in the program, I was justifiably angry with someone I had resented for years. My sponsor told me to pray for the person I was angry with every day and every time he came to mind. I said, “You’re kidding, right?” Of course, he wasn’t. He said my prayers should be honest.
One of the concepts that I learned early on in SA was that the problem was not my behavior, the problem was my thinking. Acting out starts in my mind. If I entertain lust, it eventually will lead to acting out. In order to relapse, I have to have made the decision to allow lust in my mind without having surrendered it, probably repeatedly.
I have so often felt that if only I could achieve a certain level of skill playing the guitar or learn enough history, politics, math, and science as I felt I wanted or needed to, I could then be the person I wanted to be. Then everything would be okay, and I could live a meaningful and happy life. Of course I could never be accomplished enough in my own estimation no matter how well I performed or how much I knew.
Here are two ways I practice Step 12:
Two Trustees rotated from service: Dorene S. and Maria G. Other Trustees were affirmed for another year of service: Luc B. and Lawrence M.
How many Delegates does it take to change a light bulb?
“Sounds like you are feeling better.” Those were the words uttered by my sponsor when I called in despair over a financial predicament I was working through during a career transition.
While working for the radio industry as a disc jockey, I was trained to avoid dead air in my work. Pushing buttons, speaking, starting programs on time was very important. Timing, down to the second, in every hour was accounted for. Two seconds of “nothing” on the radio seemed an eternity, and was often cause for unemployment if done repeatedly.
A story out of the old West tells about a stagecoach owner interviewing applicants for driver. He stood at a dangerous curve on a winding mountain road where one side dropped hundreds of feet sharply into the canyon below. The owner asked, “Driving six horses at full speed, how close can you come to the edge of the cliff and not go over?”
