27 lat temu weszłam do pokoju pełnego mężczyzn … czego się spodziewałam? Myślałam, że zobaczę ludzi, którzy wyglądają na brudnych i skrytych. Na szczęście moje wyobrażenia okazały się całkowicie błędne. Zobaczyłam pokój pełen zwykłych mężczyzn, takich samych, jakich spotykam w pracy lub na spacerze z przyjaciółmi.

Di recente mi è stato chiesto di scrivere un articolo per Essay sulla sobrietà emotiva. All’inizio la mia reazione è stata di dire “No”. Volevo dire di no perché sentivo, in fondo, che la maggior parte delle persone in SA hanno difficoltà a raggiungere la sobrietà emotiva poiché riescono a malapena a raggiungere la “sobrietà dalla lussuria”. Poi mi sono reso conto che invece di dire no, avevo bisogno di condividere la mia esperienza, forza e speranza in un modo diverso. Avevo bisogno di scrivere sul tema degli ostacoli alla sobrietà emotiva che ho visto nella nostra fratellanza negli ultimi 38 anni.

27 anni fa sono entrata in una stanza piena di uomini…cosa mi aspettavo? Pensavo di vedere persone che sembravano “sporche” e riservate. Fortunatamente le mie aspettative erano completamente sbagliate. Vidi una stanza piena di uomini qualsiasi proprio come avrei potuto vedere al lavoro o uscendo con gli amici.

On m’a récemment demandé d’écrire un article pour l’essai sur la sobriété émotionnelle. Au
début, ma réaction a été “Non”. Je voulais dire non parce que je sentais, au fond de moi, que la
plupart des gens en Afrique du Sud ont du mal à atteindre la sobriété émotionnelle puisqu’ils
peuvent mal – compter atteindre la «sobriété de la luxure». Puis j’ai réalisé qu’au lieu de dire
non, j’avais besoin de partager mon expérience, ma force et mon espoir d’une manière
différente. J’avais besoin d’écrire sur les obstacles à la sobriété émotionnelle dont j’ai été témoin
dans notre fraternité au cours des 38 dernières années.

Il y a 27 ans, je suis entrée dans une pièce remplie d’hommes… à quoi je m’attendais ? Je pensais voir des gens qui avaient l’air sales et secrets. Heureusement, mes attentes étaient complètement fausses. J’ai vu une pièce remplie d’hommes ordinaires, comme je pouvais en voir au travail ou avec des amis.

Ich wurde kürzlich gebeten, einen Artikel für den Essay über emotionale Nüchternheit zu schreiben. Meine erste Reaktion war, “Nein” zu sagen. Ich wollte Nein sagen, weil ich tief in mir spürte, dass die meisten Menschen in AS Schwierigkeiten haben, emotionale Nüchternheit zu erreichen, da sie kaum “Nüchternheit von Lüsternheit” erreichen können. Dann wurde mir klar, dass ich, anstatt Nein zu sagen, meine Erfahrungen, meine Kraft und meine Hoffnung auf eine andere Art und Weise teilen musste. Ich musste über die Hindernisse auf dem Weg zur emotionalen Nüchternheit schreiben, die ich in den letzten 38 Jahren in unserer Gemeinschaft erlebt habe.

Vor 27 Jahren betrat ich einen Raum voller Männer … was hatte ich erwartet? Ich dachte, ich würde Menschen sehen, die schmutzig und geheimnistuerisch aussehen. Zum Glück waren meine Erwartungen völlig falsch. Ich sah einen Raum voller normaler Männer, wie ich sie auch bei der Arbeit oder unterwegs mit Freunden sehen würde.

Hace poco me pidieron que escribiera un artículo para Essay sobre la sobriedad emocional. Mi primera reacción fue un no rotundo. Quería negarme porque sé, en el fondo de mi corazón, que la mayoría de las personas en SA tienen dificultad para alcanzar la sobriedad emocional dado que a duras penas pueden alcanzar la sobriedad de la lujuria. En ese momento me di cuenta de que, en vez de negarme, necesitaba compartir mi experiencia, fortaleza y esperanza desde otra perspectiva. Necesitaba escribir sobre los obstáculos que he visto los últimos 38 años en nuestra fraternidad.

Hace 27 años entré en una sala llena de hombres: ¿Qué esperaba? Pensé que encontraría gente sucia y callada. Afortunadamente me equivoqué completamente con mis expectativas. Vi una sala llena de hombres normales y corrientes como los que podía ver en mi trabajo o en un grupo de amigos.

۲۷ سال پیش وارد اتاقی پر از مرد شدم… چه انتظاری داشتم؟ پیش خودم فکر می کردم افرادی را ببینم که کثیف و مرموز به نظر می رسند. اما خوشبختانه انتظارات من کاملاً اشتباه بود. من اتاقی را دیدم که پر از مردان معمولی بود، درست مانند آنچه که ممکن است در محل کار یا بیرون، زمانی که با دوستانم هستم، ببینم.

I practice no organized religion, but I may refer to specific religious traditions here because of their being examples related to my journey. In November 1985 I stopped acting out by means of chemical castration. This was because of life-threatening behaviors that were occurring as a part of my acting out. There was no emotional or spiritual treatment combined with it.

I’m Nicholas and I’m a sexaholic. I acted out with pornography, masturbation, prostitution, adultery, promiscuity, sexualizing men, women, children, animals and objects, voyeurism and exhibitionism, romantic fantasy, sexual intrigue, and emotional affairs. And by the grace of God and the program of Sexaholics Anonymous, I haven’t had to do any of that stuff for over 27 years and for that I am incredibly grateful.

I was recently asked to write an article for the Essay on Emotional Sobriety. At first my reaction was to say “No.” I wanted to say No because I felt, deep down, that most people in SA have difficulty reaching Emotional Sobriety since they can barely reach “lust sobriety.”

27 years ago I walked into a room full of men … what did I expect? I thought I would see people that looked dirty and secretive. Thankfully my expectations were completely wrong. I saw a room full of ordinary men just like I might see at work or out with friends.

When I first arrived in SA, I asked a man who had several years of sobriety to be my sponsor. A few months later, when I was ready to start Step 4, I discovered that he had never worked the Steps.

It was my privilege to serve as Essay editor during the years 1999-2000. My service term was short, but memorable. I could not always keep pace with the Essay production schedule. I will always admire those before and after me who have produced regular Essay issues full of inspiring material. We owe them a debt of gratitude. Theirs is not an easy task.

Lust addiction and sexual acting-out brought me into SA, but it was the spirituality of the SA literature and deeper spiritual fellowship I found in SA meetings that kept me coming back and called me to perform service in SA. With a background in writing and editing, I served on the SA Literature Committee that edited the White Book and Recovery Continues as well as other SA literature.

I am Harvey A. My sobriety date is March 8, 1984. I can hardly believe that I am now 81 years old and have been sexually sober for more than 37 years.

I came to my first SA meeting in Karlsruhe, Germany, on Sunday, May 26, 1985. I was one of three newcomers at a meeting of 20 men and women. As newcomers we were required to give a brief First Step in the form of answering set questions. Before I came to the meeting, I threw out my pornography. I also threw out phone numbers and addresses of women I knew from other 12-Step fellowships. I stopped acting out sexually.

Sobriety began for me in Nashville in May 1986. We were a small band of six or seven persons meeting once per week trying to avoid the terrible consequences of our acting out.