In the personal story near the front of the White Book, the writer says, “Masturbation again” (SA 14). So here I am, with two years of SA sobriety, doing my Step One again, at my sponsor’s suggestion. The process was similar to the first time I did Step One, but this time it was more fruitful because I was not acting alone.
We We admitted We admitted that we were powerless over lust— Who cares to admit complete defeat? No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness.
In our meetings, we often discuss Step One as it relates to powerlessness, but we seldom talk about the second half of Step One—unmanageability—in terms of insanity. Step Two states that we can be “restored to sanity”—so that must mean we are having problems with insanity to begin with!
When I started working the SA program, I really didn’t know anything about the Twelve Steps. I was relieved to find that Step One appeared to be so self-explanatory. It asked me to admit that I was powerless, and that was easy. I had already lost my marriage, my business, my house, and the care of my children.
I know I am powerless over lust because of my inability to stop acting out despite knowing the outcomes and consequences. The ways I am powerless are many: I’ve continued to act out alone despite knowing that practicing the compulsion is directly opposed to becoming sober and maintaining sobriety.
As a child I had no exposure to healthy intimacy or communication. My parents had seven marriages between them, and seven children, two of whom I never met. My father left when I was three; my mother remarried when I was in my 20s.
The following is an exercise that I have found helpful for getting a sponsee started on working Step One:
I want to share a brief concern shared by other SA’s I talk to. It seems that at times — maybe most of the time — the First Steps given during meetings become way too sexually graphic. This morning I spoke to an SA newcomer who is really upset and was not going to return because of the First Step given last week.
Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5 (“How It Works”) says, “Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery.” The recovery programs of AA and SA are the 12 Steps. Going to meetings is not working the program. Calling your sponsor is not working the program. Participating in the fellowship is not working the program. All these actions can strengthen our recovery, but unless you are actively taking the Steps, you are not working the SA program.
I am a grateful recovering sexaholic. Because of my dad’s death and mother’s illness I came to California to help out and ended up at the North Hollywood SA group, where I found recovery. Halleluiah! I did my First Step with them which was the most healing and surprisingly, the most cleansing experience I’ve ever had in my life. I say surprising because I’m a woman and was greatly outnumbered in the meetings by men!
