The life I had been living was definitely insane, and my Step One inventory made that very clear. My way had failed, and I had to find a new solution outside my own thinking and willpower. Stories of recovery, and hearing recovery speakers share the depths of their addiction and how their lives were restored, gave me some small hope.
When I came into the rooms of SA, I was relieved to learn that God was so important to the Program. I was always a deep believer in God; in fact, I would say that He got me here. He gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to get me to these rooms.
As hard it was to admit that I am an addict, it was equally hard to admit that I am insane. However, based on Google’s second definition of insanity—“extreme foolishness or irrationality”—I clearly am. Everything about my addiction has been foolish or irrational.
We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?” (AA 47). Only one question? Too simple. Or so I think when I’m trying too hard to solve all my problems at once.
I like to look up definitions of key words used in the Twelve Steps. I use a 1934 Webster’s Dictionary that was current when the Big Book was written. Key words and their definitions have become the subject of my artwork.
A member wrote, “I’m looking for a miracle. I’ve been looking for a miracle for a long time. Recently I’ve thought that if I just work the Steps, I could then have the miracle I’ve been looking for.” Wow! This statement hit me pretty hard, because it reminded me so much of my own Step Two (which took something like five years for me to fully accomplish).
Many of us who have difficulty believing that there is a God or that (S)He will help us, can begin by letting the group be a “power greater than ourselves.” After all, here is a group of people who suffer from the same disease, who have found a way to overcome the problem. Surely that’s more than we have been able to accomplish for ourselves.
I just returned from our Tuesday night Step meeting. During this meeting we take a 30-minute session for each person to do individual Step work, which is then shared with the group. I have found it necessary to return to Step Two and I thought I would share on that Step in order to make my “taking” of that Step more real to me.
