Recently, I was working Step Two with a sponsee of mine and God decided to grace me with a revelation that has completely changed how I see my recovery. As this revelation is still settling within me, I ask God to give me the clarity of thought, the presence of mind, and adequate words to be able to relate this spiritual experience.
The words of Step Two roll off my lips. “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” They are so easy to repeat. I think, “Of course I believe in a Higher Power, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” I ask myself, “Really?”
(1) Can I see that lack of power is my problem? As long as substances, lust, sexually acting out, and people are my higher power, I am a slave to them. I call it King Lust, but even clearer for me was King Marijuana which was my most dependent relationship of them all. He controlled my moves and was running the show completely wherever I was.
I was born in a religious family who always believed in Allah and His power. Actually I was believing that He can do anything except this one thing, so I had problems. I couldn’t pray and ask Him about this addiction. I was so resentful how my life was totally destroyed. I can’t describe the remorse and self-pity I felt every time I relapsed.
The Central California subregion held a Step workshop in Sacramento, conducted by a sponsor & sponsee on a Step. After being assigned to share on Step 2, I found out that neither my own sponsor nor any of my sponsees were available to attend. I contacted a member I’ve been sponsoring in prison, asking him if he would prayerfully consider partnering with me as a “speaker.”
I am Kristina from Germany and sober since March 2016 – one day at a time by the grace of my loving Higher Power. When I worked Step 2 with ‘Step into Action’ I wrote something about my Higher Power. As I search for many years in several religions where I could belong to, I found something very very important about “god of my understanding” who gives me strength: for ME it is a SHE most of the time.
I am seeking a timeless and relevant God to assume ownership of all my affairs and provide guidance for all future decisions. This God will negotiate all interactions between me, my true self, and the rest of creation. My new Higher Power will direct my steps to either avoid or correctly navigate difficult and painful situations, self-induced or otherwise, at His discretion.
Have you ever known something—then you didn’t? Have you ever believed it—then you didn’t? Have you had faith and lost it? I have. I was a student, teacher, preacher and leader. I knew the Bible inside and out. I had faith that my God was real. I believed it with all my heart. However, I had a secret. That secret was my addiction. This addiction ate at my core.
I grew up in India with a devout Hindu mother, an atheist physician father, Muslim friends, and attending a Catholic boarding school. Although I was exposed to multiple faith traditions growing up, I never considered myself religious and rarely thought deeply about God. I would occasionally selfishly pray before exams.
Once every week an SA member calls to read to me the First, Second and Third Steps as a kind of surrender prayer. When I listen to him it brings me back to the basics of the program in these Steps. It could be changed depending on the person giving these Steps. Here is what he reads to me when he calls:
