When I was acting out, I could hide behind the wall of Internet anonymity. That anonymity gave me license to go where ever my addiction wanted. That anonymity allowed me to act out without being exposed, attracting real partners, or engaging prostitutes with the illusions that this method was somehow okay.
Jesse became an expert — on the Steps! Here’s the Jesse Step Program: STEP 1: Powerless? “Yes, of course! I can’t stop myself.”
One of the most important gifts I’ve received as the result of working Step Four has been the ability to get free from resentments more quickly and easily than ever before in my life. And along with freedom from resentment, I experience a level of peace, calm, and improved relationships which I never would have dreamed possible.
Once every week an SA member calls to read to me the First, Second and Third Steps as a kind of surrender prayer. When I listen to him it brings me back to the basics of the program in these Steps. It could be changed depending on the person giving these Steps. Here is what he reads to me when he calls:
The life I had been living was definitely insane, and my Step One inventory made that very clear. My way had failed, and I had to find a new solution outside my own thinking and willpower. Stories of recovery, and hearing recovery speakers share the depths of their addiction and how their lives were restored, gave me some small hope.
When I was working Step Four with my sponsor, he suggested that I pick one person, institution, or principle at a time and write up an inventory to share with him specifically about that one person. It was a lot of hard but very good work that resulted in a significant change in how I see myself in relation to others and God.
When did you realize that you were powerless over lust and that your life had become unmanageable? Was it a sudden realization or something that you arrived at over the span of months or years? For me, it was an epiphany brought about from the threat of a second divorce. It was a sudden realization of the kind of person that I had been over the past 30 years.
Twice a month SA members in the Sacramento area gather for a meditation meeting. The Eleventh Step in the 12&12 describes the direct linkage among self-examination, prayer and meditation. Our practice is simple: we read SA or AA literature and then spend about 20 minutes together in silence using our breath as a focal point.
After Step One in our book Sexaholic Anonymous on page 87 it says: “This is why ‘telling all’ is not taking the First Step. Such confession can be anything from boastful replay to anguished dumping or intellectual analysis. And even then, it’s not really ‘all’ and often is only surface material. In truth, we don’t ‘take’ the First Step; it takes us.
In the personal story near the front of the White Book, the writer says, “Masturbation again” (SA 14). So here I am, with two years of SA sobriety, doing my Step One again, at my sponsor’s suggestion. The process was similar to the first time I did Step One, but this time it was more fruitful because I was not acting alone.
