SA CFC
My name is Raphael S., and I'm a grateful, recovering sexaholic. I've been sober by the grace of God and the help of all of you in this program of SA since April 7th, 2019. My homegroup is Crystal City, Virginia, USA.
Emotional Sobriety
Throughout my life I used food, alcohol, drugs, relationships, sex, work, and achievements to fill up a gaping hole inside which never seemed satisfied. I had an insatiable need for recognition from people. I viewed everything through a prism of me, self-obsession to the nth degree.
Emotional Sobriety
A few years into my recovery I found myself periodically delving into some very negative emotions. These incidences were sometimes triggered by things like dealing with difficult people, having to make difficult decisions when there seemed to be no good options, and trying to cope with marital difficulties.
Emotional Sobriety
Even though I have almost nine years of sobriety and a lot of service work behind me, I know that I can still be deceived by lust. For me, the crux of the program is still, fundamentally, surrendering lust in all areas. As my former sponsor used to say, “You’re a smart guy, and despite this you can stay sober.”
Facing My Emotions
I just came back from an open AA meeting. I’m not an alcoholic, but I do sometimes go to open AA meetings when there isn’t an available SA meeting. These meetings are usually difficult for me in a way that SA meetings are not, because I don’t share.
Remodeling
For the last two years or so, I have had trouble reading from the Twelve and Twelve which contains the first quote. I interpreted “…something wrong with us…” to mean I was this cruel and evil person who ought to be ostracized by the human race for all eternity. I thought it was unfair to say that it was wrong for me to be sore because someone else committed hurtful actions against me.
Personal
I’ve been rediscovering the second half of the First Step lately. My emotional life is unmanageable.
