I never had the opportunity to meet Roy personally, but I feel the same about him as what I’ve heard he said about all of us: that we are his family. I first encountered the White Book in 1985, when I was in a recovery group that met in a counseling center.
In July 1985, a man loaned me a copy of an earlier version of the White Book. I read it twice in two weeks. My mind was numbed by remnants of the lust drug, and I couldn’t take in a lot of it. But what I remember is the tremendous feeling of hope I felt after decades of misery and failure.
I was at the airport and I was struggling with same-sex lust. Roy was at the airport also. He said, “Let me pray with you.” I said, “I’m struggling with that guy over there.”
Dear Roy, More than 21 years ago I entered the program you founded, and I have wholeheartedly appreciated your dedication to us ever since. Our meeting was already using a sobriety definition clarification similar to that which years later was adopted in Cleveland. This definition made perfect sense to me.
I had been in the program for several years before I finally met Roy K., although I believe we talked over the phone during those first years. I remember Roy’s passion for spreading the message, his courage, and his principles. Those qualities came through clearly in his conversations as well as his writing.
I attended my first SA meeting in 1988 at a Methodist church in Nashville, Tennessee. At the time, Roy had nine years of sexual sobriety. Back then, the definition of “old-timer” was three years of sobriety. Roy was years ahead of the “new” old-timers.
I remember when I first met Roy, in 1983. He appeared nervous around me, but not nearly as nervous as I felt around him. I expected to find a number of sober women who could tell me how to stay sober. I found only a few women, and none of them had six months of sobriety in our program.
I first met Roy—at a distance—when I attended my first international convention in Oklahoma City in December 1985. I had about four months of sobriety back then. Someone pointed Roy out to me but I did not formally introduce myself.
The first I heard of Roy’s death was from a message on my voicemail. I felt a sudden and deep sadness to hear of his passing. For the past 25 and a half years, my life and my recovery have been interwoven with Roy’s. I was first introduced to the concept of sobriety through the SA brochure that he had written.
I would like to share my memories of Roy K., who was perhaps second only to my father in influencing my life for the better.
