Why are the 12 Steps in the order they are? To me, coming into SA, they just seemed so random. I didn’t care. I just did what I was told to do to get sober. I’m of the mind that it is NOT critical to understand why the Steps are the way they are at the start. But, as the Step 9 promise goes, “we will suddenly understand situations which used to baffle us.” I think that goes for the mysteries of the Steps too as we progress in sobriety.
I am ready in Step 7 to ask God to remove another shortcoming and in Step 9 make amends to someone I hurt. I was ready with resentment and anger when my spouse opposed me or came to me with a complaint. In truth, it was never the content of her words but the temperature of my lust fever that determined my response because I wasn’t getting what I wanted.
It happened again. I was cooking the family meal and suddenly an attractive woman I know came to mind. I started thinking about her personality qualities and wondering if maybe God would want me to ask her out. It wasn’t lust, I thought — I was only thinking about her personality!
The other morning I was going out for a run. A neighborhood next to ours has a hill coming down to a stop sign. I have run past this entrance several times and noticed that people tend to drive down the hill at a high rate of speed. This leads them to roll through the stop sign without stopping.
I’m listening to a podcast with one former Heavyweight boxing champion, and a new Heavyweight champion. The two boxers are talking about how the younger man’s life has changed since becoming the new champion. Several things are discussed like the money, proving doubters wrong, all the work they both put in to achieve that title, and, of course, the excitement of the fans!
I joined the committee to plan our semi-annual retreat because I have a lot of experience planning these events. But this time I stepped aside to let others organize it. The theme was chosen over my objections, as I preferred the first idea they came up with. I let that go. They chose to not pick breakout topics, but allow the leaders to choose their topics when they signed up. I didn’t think this was a good idea. But, I let that go.
Time has been an underrated and overlooked tool in my sobriety. When I first came into SA I was struck with the overwhelming difficulty of staying sober. Day by day sexual sobriety was a tremendous struggle. I slipped countless times in my first ten months.
This short piece was performed during the variety show at the SA international convention in Seattle last summer. We weren’t sure what to call it — Poem? Spoken word? Rap? Chant? Prayer? Still not sure.
I attended my first SA meeting in 1988 in Nashville, Tennessee. At the time, Roy had nine years of sexual sobriety. Back then, the definition of “old-timer” was three years of sobriety. Roy was years ahead of the “new” old-timers. When Roy died September, 2009 at the age of 82, he had more than 25 years of sexual sobriety. His life and his sobriety were a gift to us all.
Hi. I’m Hal, sexaholic, sober since August 4, 2018. From 2008 into 2018 I was a “chronic slipper.” Thank God I didn’t quit SA before the miracle happened.
