This can be a very helpful tool to use not only for yourself but to show those you are mentoring and certainly your family members. Whenever you feel disturbed, upset, or bothered, if you are worrying about something, fretting, can’t get it out of your mind, irritated at someone, resent someone, obsessing about a topic or person or object, if there is anything taking up too much space in your brain (a dangerous neighborhood — don’t go in there by yourself!), give this tool a try.
For sexaholics one of the most difficult parts of recovery is that our program is so simple. We have the Steps suggested as a program of recovery and we are told to ask God’s protection and care with complete abandon. Our recovery goal is equally simple: we have a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps.
I am grateful today for Sexaholics Anonymous, and for one year porn free. That is a miracle! I attended my first SA meeting in June 2011, but this is the first time I have celebrated one year. God willing I will stay sober and porn free for the rest of my life.
These are little gems of wisdom I have jotted down through the years. I keep them in my “Meeting In A Pocket” booklet from SAICO.
At the Jersey Strong conference in Newark in July 2017 there was an Old-Timers panel meeting. The speakers with 30-plus years sobriety included Dianne (1987), Margot (1986), Harvey (1984), Mitch (1985), and Tom (1987).
At times I fail to recall the effort it takes for me to surrender my sexual lust on a daily basis. I pretend to think that because I have such a wonderful spiritual condition—attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings, meeting with other SA members, etc.—that I don’t need other practical solutions. But that whole line of thinking originates in my ego.
When I first came to SA I was three years divorced from a twelve-year marriage and had two kids. I always say that I was a sexaholic before I married my ex-wife, a sexaholic while married, and still a sexaholic after divorce. I knew that something was wrong with my behavior—I just couldn’t stop, even though I did not want to continue.
Recently I received new lenses for my glasses. The current ones were scratched and insurance would replace them. After the optometrist installed the lenses, I walked back to my car in the parking garage. I found myself astounded by the new clarity of my vision! I thought I should give a quick call back to the optometrist to learn what had changed my eyesight so dramatically?
Chapter 5 of the Big Book tells us that honesty is a prerequisite of recovery. What does honesty mean for me? If I lie to you, even if I know the truth inside, I’m not being honest. Why? Because my outside doesn’t match my inside truth.
A daily renewal is one of the best practices in my recovery from sexaholism. One morning my renewal partner said, “Matthew, you have UNICORN SYNDROME. You don’t realize how unique you are, how rare it is to have done the work you’ve done at your age and to have found recovery, or how unrealistic it is to expect your wife to be in the same place as you are.”
