This summer I attended the SA International convention in Denver. While there I went to a baseball game. While there I talked with a man sitting beside me. After some baseball talk we got to what convention brought us to Denver.
I suffer from a sort of hypervigilance. Something in me wants to identify and define every object, every person, every angle and surface in my physical environment. My ears are open; my eyes are taking in the very texture of things around me.
The contract starts by saying “God, I’m checking in.” Then I say the Serenity Prayer and the first three Steps. Next, comes the Third Step prayer. I repeat a line from that prayer until I really mean it — “Relieve me from the bondage of self” still loosens my chest every morning.
After I had about a year of sobriety, a friend of mine in the program asked me for a favor: Would I go with him to the local internet customer service center to be sure he would follow through with his decision to have his internet service disconnected?
My name is Brad and I am a sexaholic. When I say “I am a sexaholic,” I am admitting that I belong to a class of people for whom lust has become an addiction. I have finally accepted the truth that whenever my behavior is driven by an attitude of lust, there will almost certainly be consequences, pain, and humiliation. There is no exception to this reality.
Does meditation impact my recovery? Absolutely! I meditate in order to formulate how to complete each Step. I find meditation to be helpful to new members to simplify the Step process.
“I want to quit” is in my mind nearly every time I go a pool to swim laps. I have learned that “I want to quit!” means that I’m doing something that matters and that finishing it will benefit me. Only when I’m doing something important does my “I want to quit!” thought come to my head.
These days seem so hard at times; I keep looking for a text that will never come, a phone call that will never be made. I miss the smile and laughter I once heard and the kindness I once felt.
I have always been amused by the phrase, “Be careful what you pray for—you might get it!”
Not long ago, I did it: I put a Desire chip in my mouth. And no, it didn’t melt.
