In my Step work I spent quite some time on my negative attitude towards women. There seemed to be very little trust. How could there be when there was no trust in me? I had always been switching from Mr. Know-It-All to Mr. Pitiful. In the one role being blind to the mess I made of my life and to how I hurt others, minors and women included, and if the pressure was too high, I became the victim that needed everybody’s help and understanding.
I came into Sexaholics Anonymous at age 31. I am 55 today. I've seen a lot of women come and go. Based on behaviors I’ve experienced during those 25 years, I’d like to share some practical recovery tools how I treat the opposite sex at our mixed meetings:
I could not go on. I had to change. And one of the many promises of the 12-Step program is that I will change fundamentally, if I work the tools of the program.
I am convinced that the book Alcoholics Anonymous is correct when it says that “Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.” Selfishness is a spiritual malady, a spiritual problem rooted deeply in my being. I consider or evaluate everything by how it affects me. My fears are self-centered. A lot can be written about selfishness. It is enough to say that it is what causes my problems.
Jim Egan played a big role in my early SA years. I loved his shares, which were always a loving, humble meander. I’m grateful to have learned from his shares to be loving and humble myself. Always with a smile on his face, he also helped me feel comfortable at the SA International Conventions I attended.
I am an SA member and have been for some time a reserve soldier in one of the many warring countries on this planet. Often I get woken up by alarms. Sometimes I see rockets in the air. Friends of mine have been killed. Everything is scary and weird, surrealistic.
There is a saying that goes something like this, “Not by argument will you change a person’s mind but by telling them a good story.” How true this is when speaking of Dave T. when he shared his experience, strength, and hope.
In an AA article, I once read about a fellow who is in the military. He wrote that he is taught to always wear a helmet, that it's a habit ingrained in him. Going outside means putting on a helmet, period. In the beginning, it was something he had to learn, something people had to keep reminding him to do, and something that had to become a real habit. But eventually, he did it without thinking.
Three years ago I was in pain. It was the pain of slavery to lust which was causing me deep trouble and threatening to ruin my entire life. The pain brought me into the SA fellowship. Thanks to the SA fellowship, and to my sponsor and through working the SA program, my deep trouble gradually turned into a blessing—into a life that is clean and sober. Sanity returned and I found a true connection with God. I don’t think I would ever have sought God so actively but for the pain and the brokenness that lust had caused me. This amazed me. What had seemed to me my worst misfortune turned out to be my greatest blessing. Isn’t that a miracle?
Today while traveling back to my home, my scheduled flight was delayed and there was a high probability I would miss my connecting flight. As I was checking in, I saw a flight leaving in 20 minutes and wondered if I could run to the gate and see if I could get on this earlier flight going to the same destination. As I checked my luggage in, the agent asked if I had any lithium batteries in my bag. I said, "No," as I wanted to make it to the service counter to see if I could jump on the earlier flight.
