My journey into sexual recovery started when, after a particularly sordid and degrading sexual experience, I discovered I had crab lice. When I realized this, there was a sinking feeling of terror in the pit of my stomach…. Waiting three months for the result of an HIV test, fearing the worst and wondering — knowing — what the reaction of my wife would be, was the most painful experience of my life.
I was 44 years old, married for 23 years, a father of four children and a successful professional person. Yet there I was, leaving a porno store, disgusted with myself once again. It was hopeless. Anonymous sex had become a daily occurrence. I knew I was going to lose my wife, my children and my profession. I was ready to lose it all rather than fight it one more moment.
My name is Patrick, and I’m a sexaholic. I’ve been sexually sober for 28 days, nine months and two years, by the grace of God. And I never thought I’d ever be able to be sexually sober in my life. I was totally powerless over sex, over lust. My life was incredibly out of control, and today I can smile; today I’m happy. I never thought that day would come. I waited a long time for it [Laughter], a long, long time, and I paid a price for this fellowship, which was the highest price that I could ever be expected to pay.
Through the grace of God and the fellowship and Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous, I have experienced countless victories over lust. Also, I have not found it necessary to act out upon my sexual addiction since July 16, 1991. For this, I will probably never be truly grateful enough.
Hi, my name is Mike, and I’m a recovering sexaholic. And I’m grateful to be here sober tonight through God’s grace, and all of you people. A couple of years ago we had Thanksgiving dinner at my house for the first time. My whole family came. I figured I should say something before we all ate, but I knew there were lots of things going on in the family, so I didn’t know quite what to say.
My name is Harry, I’m a sexaholic. I’ve been sexually sober since February 3, 1986. Expressing my gratitude to God and the fellowship for my recovery will take the rest of my life, and beyond. Jess promised he would help me with this talk if I volunteered to give one, and so I volunteered, and he also said it might be good to prepare the talk and then have a trial run to see how it went….
I would like to share a story with the members of this program—some I know, some I will meet and some I may never meet, but I share a common bond with each one of you. We are sexaholics and we care about each other’s sobriety.
I’d like to share something that happened to me after I’d been sexually sober for about seven months. I am just starting to experience life as a recovering sexaholic. Through God’s grace, my soul has been opened to a whole new way of living. At first, it was through not acting out. Then, as I got sober and my sobriety progressed, things began to get more positive. Today less of me is in the problem and more of me is in the solution.
I am just a couple of days back from the Rochester ’94 gathering. I came home with a full set of cassette tapes, and many feelings and impressions and memories. This overwhelming sense that I came away with—and I think this is a wonderful sign—is a sense of inner peace, such as I have never before experienced. Could it be a glimpse of the “serenity” we all seek? This feeling of peace is for me a confirmation that I am on the right road now, in the right place, among the right people. Thank God!
My name is Mike and I am a sexaholic. I have been sober now in AA for 25 years and have gone to any length to maintain my sobriety, and yet at times I felt so alone and different from most people. The tears inside that would not come out. The people, places and things that were going to make me whole—they never worked. The hole I felt inside, the despair, never being myself, thinking “This time it will be different. This time it will be OK,” only to fall again, more and more isolated, feeling more resentment, and wanting inside to hurt back.
