Because SA was so new when I came in, there were very few people with even one year’s sobriety. I wanted to hear from people who had a lot of experience, strength and hope in working the Steps. So I started attending a great AA Twelve and Twelve meeting.
The following is an exercise that I have found helpful for getting a sponsee started on working Step One:
Although I have discovered a number of people I had harmed who did not appear in my Fourth Step, the list of people against whom I held resentments was an excellent place to begin. I had to remember that in the Eighth Step I was merely making the list.
Step Six requires quiet contemplation of the work we have done. There are several questions on pages 75 & 76 of the Big Book. These are not rhetorical questions! The foundation is complete willingness. The cement is our common solution. The cornerstone is coming to believe in a Power greater than ourselves. The keystone is Step Three.
I think for me, the most important Step was Step “0.” So, before I attempted to do the SA Twelve Steps, I’ve been working on Step Zero. Here’s a format I wrote, answered, and read to my Accountability Partner and my Sponsor.
The Sexaholics Anonymous (White Book) material on the 5th Step provides excellent guidance for both the person presenting and the one hearing the Step. The book says, “Ideally, the Fifth Step should be taken with one’s sponsor…” I strongly agree. The 5th Step is addressed in Chapter 6 of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action.” I encourage you to read these sections of both books prior to meeting with your sponsor.
This Step is the beginning of a life-long process of self-appraisal and accountability. If you continue in this journey, you will have many more opportunities to review your conduct, motives and shortcomings, and take action to change. I rarely listen to a sponsee’s 5th Step without discovering another example of how my defects of character injured me or someone I love.
Have you been in recovery for a while and find you’re facing new, baffling difficulties that your current program isn’t adequately addressing? Or do you feel like your recovery has slowed down and you can’t shift out of first gear? If so, perhaps it’s time to revisit the Fourth Step.
I want to share a brief concern shared by other SA’s I talk to. It seems that at times — maybe most of the time — the First Steps given during meetings become way too sexually graphic. This morning I spoke to an SA newcomer who is really upset and was not going to return because of the First Step given last week.
I was able to make this decision only after I had identified my false beliefs about God, let go of those old ideas, and identified the beliefs and ideas by which I was going to live my life from that moment forward. As a friend of mine suggested, “You’ve got to start living as if you believe what you believe, and stop acting as if you believe what you don’t believe.”
