I learned about the sobriety definition (ludicrous!) and the Steps (no problem!) more than 20 years ago. In my head I completed them all in short order — until I became more desperate and got a sponsor. We agreed to work the Steps together.
After Step One in our book Sexaholic Anonymous on page 87 it says: “This is why ‘telling all’ is not taking the First Step. Such confession can be anything from boastful replay to anguished dumping or intellectual analysis. And even then, it’s not really ‘all’ and often is only surface material. In truth, we don’t ‘take’ the First Step; it takes us.
When I first started attending SA, it was a breath of fresh air. After coming to meetings and listening others share, I was able to admit my weaknesses and faults. Before I could not admit I was a “sex, pornography and lust addict.” When I finally did, a great feeling of relief came over me.
In the personal story near the front of the White Book, the writer says, “Masturbation again” (SA 14). So here I am, with two years of SA sobriety, doing my Step One again, at my sponsor’s suggestion. The process was similar to the first time I did Step One, but this time it was more fruitful because I was not acting alone.
My name is Jim B., and I’m a sexaholic in recovery. For the past three months, I’ve been working on my Fourth Step with the guidance of my sponsor. The journey has led me through the gamut of emotions, and it has given me a significant amount of insight into how my past characteristics have manifested themselves and impacted others.
When I came into the rooms of SA, I was relieved to learn that God was so important to the Program. I was always a deep believer in God; in fact, I would say that He got me here. He gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to get me to these rooms.
As part of my recovery over the past five years, I’ve made cartoons based on recovery concepts. Translating my recovery into visual terms helps keep me focused on the solution. The cartoon below came to me in May of 2009, while at the house of an old-timer in the UK where I was staying to work the Steps.
Recently, I volunteered to lead a meeting in my home group on the topic of Tradition One. I felt quite confident of my ability to explain the Tradition. After all, I’ve been sober in SA for six years (I’m a member of another Twelve-Step fellowship)—and I can recite the Traditions by heart!
We We admitted We admitted that we were powerless over lust— Who cares to admit complete defeat? No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness.
In our meetings, we often discuss Step One as it relates to powerlessness, but we seldom talk about the second half of Step One—unmanageability—in terms of insanity. Step Two states that we can be “restored to sanity”—so that must mean we are having problems with insanity to begin with!
