When I first arrived at the Newark Convention in January, I was uncomfortable. I’m used to being the planner of events, the director of the play, but here I was just another attendee. I was out of my element. In my addiction, I was boisterous, always surrounded by people (not necessarily friends).
As gift, I recently received a very beautiful pendant. I learned that the minimum number of cuts a diamond is required to have in order to meet certain specifications is 52. This diamond was not ordinary: it had 72 cuts or 72 beautiful facets with which to reflect the many colors of light.
I practiced obsessive fantasy for years. In my obsession, I often chased men who were not available to me. I had the problem described in the White Book, “We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden” (203). I pursued my lust objects obsessively.
Recently I was preparing to go away on a wonderful trip to Italy: first a week by the sea on my own, and then a week in the Roman hills with friends to attend an art workshop. This was to be a dream holiday, but I was feeling overwhelmed with fear: fear of my own intentions, fear of acting out, and mostly fear of having to feel my emotions with no other people to buffer them or fill the void.
I am an SA woman who has been sober for four years. If you had met me five years ago, you would have found a confused, greedy, and very sick person. Today, thanks to my Higher Power, sponsor, and my SA groups, I am able to see my life and world in a sane way.
I just came back from the Irvine convention. I had a wonderful time!
I resisted coming to SA at first, thinking that the sobriety definition was extreme and insisting that I was not a sexaholic—just overly romantic. But I had been in other recovery programs long enough to hear things like, “If my way is not working, maybe I should try what is working for someone like me.”
Seven years ago, when I was 29, I came into SA after crossing one of my boundaries: I had an affair with a married coworker. It wasn’t the affair that made me realize I had a problem, however, but the fact that my affair partner wanted to become emotionally attached and I wasn’t interested.
My struggles with sexual fantasy began when I was five years old. I began masturbating when I was ten. But in the summer of 2009, when I was 27, I walked into SA and have been sober ever since, by the grace of God alone.
I’m an SA member living in Sudbury, Ontario (Canada). Here in Sudbury, we have a large group of SA members who meet every Monday and Friday. One day I wrote a poem, expressing my gratitude for the members of my group. Long after I wrote it, an SA friend told me the poem had blessed her.
