When I first came into SA, wrote my Step 0, and came to meetings, I knew what I had to do. I deleted the phone numbers of three guys I had acted out with. I closed down my Instant Messenger program and removed the program from my computer. Sometimes I would get a text from a previous partner saying “Hello,” but I could not handle it. I spoke to my sponsor at the time and she said, “Do not respond!”

This is something that I call “fishing.” I used to do that very thing myself. I would e-mail, text, call, and very nearly stalk a person. I would be careful not to come on too strong—just saying “hello” or something small—but I was really fishing. I would put the bait on the hook and dangle it in the water, hoping that the fish I was luring, would bite. For the fish, taking the bait means death.

This is the image I use when I am asked the question, “How are you doing?” by a partner I had previously acted out with. I will not respond, or take the bait. This may be running away and avoidance, but it has worked for me.