Connecting with a Higher Power by living in the solution, the 12 Steps, empowers her to serve other addicts, including those in the Service Structure. 

For nearly my entire life, I acted in ways I knew weren’t right. I said things that hurt me and harmed others. Sweet relationships were destroyed. It seemed like I couldn’t help myself. I was driven by some insane urge for attention from men, and that one feeling that felt like connection but left me completely empty. My life was driven by a force within me that I could not tame. Nothing I said or did stopped me. I made every promise that could be made and kept on getting sicker.

I was addicted to lust but thought my behavior was the problem. What I was doing was wrong. I knew what I was doing crossed the line. I honestly thought it was because of the choices others made. I couldn’t control them, and I couldn’t control myself. I was lost.

I came into this Program and was shocked to hear the description of lust and what it did to the men in the rooms. I immediately identified with the power of lust. The literature and the people described it in a way that was impossible for me to deny. I was a few days into the Program when I heard another woman share. I literally cried. She sounded like she knew lust but lived in recovery. There was a solution. I wasn’t sure if I qualified for it, but I had hope that it existed for her.

I got a sponsor and began the process of recognizing and surrendering lust to the Power that is greater than lust. My mind began to focus on the solution rather than the problem. I have proven to myself that I cannot outrun lust. I know for a fact that I have no weapon to fight lust. I cannot enter the battlefield. When I focus on lust and lust hits, I become increasingly agitated. I lose my ability to connect with God and the people around me. Negative sobriety does not work. When I focus on the solution that is within the Steps and maintain a certain simple attitude, I have nothing to fear. I do not need to run. The people around me are seen as brothers and sisters who are there to be prayed for and respected. I become one among many. Safe and protected. 

I’ve come to see that the power of God is sufficient and holds my mind in check when I ask. There is a 24-hour time limit, and I need to renew each and every day. It wasn’t easy at first. My mind didn’t know what to do if it wasn’t seeking lust. It took time, patience, and much encouragement not to give up.

Today I live in the present 24 hours. I do not focus on avoiding lust. When I find that my mind is seeking distraction, I simply pause and connect with that Power and reach out to another addict. 

Getting involved in the Service Structure really helps. The people I’ve met are focused on giving back to the Program rather than just maintaining physical sobriety. The life I live now has its ups and downs, sure, but the joy is in the journey, and I am never alone. 

My mind is only capable of one thing at a time. The problem OR the solution. It’s my choice to make each day. For today, I pray for another day to seek God and pray for all who catch my eye. They, like me, could always use another prayer.