The literature on sharing in meetings helped her apply boundaries to protect her sobriety.

One of the earliest pieces my sponsor recommended I read and journal my thoughts on was the section in the White Book called “Meetings—How They Work” (SA 185).  In particular, the “Meeting Guidelines” (SA 188-189). These pages set me up wonderfully for a lifetime of appropriate sharing and listening in SA meetings.

My small home group is the only one in my county with all guys except myself. When I was fairly new to the group, we read another crucial section, “Mixed Meetings” (SA 178-179).  We shared honestly about how it had been adjusting to a woman joining the group: no eye contact, no names, just honest sharing. I remember realizing what a shock my arrival had been, and just how committed my new family was to incorporating me as an equal member. That was almost six years ago, and we have all shared openly yet respectfully ever since. I owe this group my life for that. 

The phrase “raise our hands” (SA 179) is about when someone shares too explicitly, leading me as a lust addict “into realms never before imagined”. That’s a great use of the feature. I’ve never personally raised my hand, but there have been occasions when I’ve felt like it. There have been many times I’ve quietly left triggering meetings. I’m not in SA for nothing, and some triggers I just cannot handle. This is certainly not a character defect. If I could willpower my way happily through sobriety, I wouldn’t even need to be in Sexaholics Anonymous, and I certainly wouldn’t be writing for ESSAY! 

What I believe and practice is the phrase “love and tolerance of others is our code” (AA 84). I’m prepared to listen to just about anything, provided I’m not too triggered. It’s up to the chair to ensure people adhere to guidelines. My place is to listen and share in my turn, but when my sobriety is jeopardized, I will take immediate action. Always. I’ve been out there for over 40 years, and I’m not going back.