The Program taught her how to embrace every healing aspect of Recovery, Unity, and Service.

“What happened to you?” my grandmother asked. I was eight years old. Silence. I had been raped by my father. He told me if I told my mother, I would kill her; did that apply to my grandmother too? I took no chances and stayed silent. My fantasy world began, and I gained 30 pounds that year. The weight gain was protection from my father—maybe he would no longer find me attractive. I became very introverted and isolated. My peers called me the hermit. I was also sexually abused by an uncle and shut that incident out for 20 years. My mother continued to have health problems and was frequently in the hospital, leaving me alone with my father. 

I escaped from pain by focusing on getting good grades and I escaped to college. My sexual acting out started then. During my senior year, my mother died. My grief was very painful, and I didn’t want to feel it, so I drank and partied. 

In my 30s, I became very depressed—being suicidal. I signed myself into a psychiatric hospital, thinking I was in a safe place. When I told my psychiatrist about the abuse by my father, a psych nurse confronted him in front of me. He exploded with rage—knocked over chairs and left the room. My depression got worse with two more hospitalizations.

I was attracted to violent alcoholics most of all. I went to Al-Anon and a woman there said that I was a sexaholic. I denied it, but to shut her up, I agreed to go to six meetings. I was listening drunk when I listened to men qualify. Why is there a statement in the White Book about raising my hand in a meeting when triggered by another member? The purpose is to have safe boundaries and feel comfortable about sharing my secrets. Some issues should only be shared with my sponsor, and other topics can be shared in a meeting. Sometimes it becomes unclear when to share information and how. If in doubt about what and when to share, it is a good idea to talk to my sponsor or another member with a lot of sobriety.  

Five women in the rooms helped me out of denial. I agreed to stay in SA, and felt a flicker of hope for the first time in many years. I got a sponsor and very slowly worked the Steps. I came kicking and screaming into service and did not like the saying, “service keeps you sober.”

The other five women left the Program after three years. The guys supported me, and I stayed. For years I was the only woman at my meetings, but I kept going and got another sponsor. She motivated me to walk the talk. I started to sponsor and do more service. In 1999, I co-chaired the SA Convention in Cleveland, Ohio. 

We have a group of women now who attend meetings, which is a boost to my recovery—grateful to God for all of them. I was a general delegate from the Mid-Atlantic region to the General Delegate Assembly. I have co-chaired some local marathons. I give my lead when asked, with the prayer that it will help someone stay sober one more day. Currently, I am a trustee, the bottom rung of the service pyramid. I am the only woman trustee, and I would love that to change! Any women who might be interested, contact me. 

I must say that I have a wonderful therapist, a great sponsor, and sponsees. I still have character defects that rear their ugly heads. I still struggle with fears of not being enough as a friend, family member, and fellowship member. I am in three Twelve-Step programs, which is a great combination for me. I have had some recent healing in my relationship with my sister. It took lots of prayer to get to that point. 

I am a precious and fallible child of God. I try to accept everyone I meet as a child of God. I am currently recovering from knee replacement surgery and am unable to drive or work. My true support system that God has blessed me with has really come through, including brothers and sisters in SA. 

My hope and prayer for SA is that more women will come and stay in the Fellowship. Some fears on both sides of the gender line need to be realized, admitted, and then healed before that will happen.