I would like to share how the program has given me the gift of lowering the volume of my fears. I cannot say that they are totally gone, but today I can live with them. I used to wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread when facing the day. The day scared me: the responsibilities, the fear of disappointing, the fear of surprises.

He sido una persona que a pesar de haber estudiado una carrera humanística siempre viví una vida en la que el centro de todo era yo. Yo no le servía a nadie. Más bien, y salvo pocas excepciones, me servía de todos y de todo.

Recently I asked the Illinois Department of Corrections for permission to start a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. They denied my request, saying that they use a research-based model in the treatment of addictions. I was dismayed. While there are many components in an addiction, there definitely is a spiritual aspect. Can research be made on a process that takes place in the heart?

Your SA International Central Office continues to grow in personnel and in service to the SA Fellowship. Groups and Intergroups that can donate to SAICO make this possible. Subscribing to the print Essay is a vital outreach tool. Thank you!

In My Story – I Will Be Okay the author describes some tough beginnings and how he fought using our program tools.

Greetings Essay,
I am the Chairperson for the Correctional Facilities Committee in the St Louis area. I had a recent experience talking with the Department of Corrections of the State of Illinois. From this interaction, I put down some of my thoughts about the spiritual nature of addiction.

Dear Essay readers:
This issue of Essay includes many stories on “Service Work As A Gift.” Our next issue in February will focus on “Sobriety and Relationships;” Please send in any stories or short articles on your experience with Relationships in sobriety. Future topics are listed on the previous page. Let us hear from you at essay@sa.org

A Polish SA meeting suggests that we might work Tradition 5 with a man-on-the-street approach. Słuźby is Polish for “service.”

Dave T. (the Stringman) recently visited Australia with the support of various International SA committees, for which the Australian SA fellowship is extremely grateful. Dave came to Australia because we want and need to hear from the sober old-timers while they still can make the trip to the other side of the world!

My sincere and heartfelt thanks to all who helped make the SIM event a reality this year. I want to especially thank all the committee members who were a joy to work with. To all the speakers that shared their ESH. To the MC fellows who kept a close eye on SIM for 24 hours especially Daniel, Tzvi, and Brendan. I hope you get a good night’s sleep!

There was an exceptional meeting tonight in Boston. I walked into the meeting with a lot of restlessness and discontent. We read the portion of Alcoholics Anonymous on fear. My Higher Power helped me realize during the shares that I am afraid because I am using this program like just another tool to run my life. I’m being self reliant.

Sometimes I look back and wonder why it took me so long to finally start living by the most basic and bedrock principles of the 12 Step program. No doubt I was still unwilling to really surrender, so I kept trying to solve my own problem with my own ideas and effort.

Many groups, religious and non-religious, have long experience practicing meditation. Here are some of the practices that they have found helpful.

I grew up as a kid in San Diego. My parents fought a lot. When I was seven years old my mother committed suicide. I became afraid, lonely and isolated. After my mother’s death I started going to religious services with my father. He became very involved with religion and I absorbed what I could. I felt so uncomfortable in my skin. I wanted badly to fit in.

I have been going through a rough patch in my recovery. For the last few weeks and months I have been coasting. Today is 501 days of sobriety. That is 1 year, 4 months and 2 weeks of sobriety. When I walked back into these rooms I was on fire. I had to stay sober. My life depended on it. As I gained sobriety life was getting better. My wife started to like me again.

1. Each morning I look at the sign over my bed that says “Good Morning. This is God. I will be handling all your problems today; I will not need your help. So, relax and enjoy the day.” It reminds me that I am his child whom he loves, regardless of what I have done or not done.

I am forever grateful to God for sound mind, body, and spirit.

“Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.”
My thoughts:

I have been a person who, despite having studied humanistic subjects, always lived a life in which the center of everything was me. I did not serve anyone. Rather, with few exceptions, I served myself all and everything.

I came to SA looking to stop ruining my life. I never knew that the key to this was service work. I have been in SA since 2001 (with a long break for research and development). I have never been willing to do what my sponsors asked. I would do half of what a sponsor asked me to do. However, Page 59 of the AA Big Book states “Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point.”