This topic really challenged me. I have heard people say that one of the things I have to do in this program is change everything about myself. Well, I have changed many things. I have walked through changes with my heart pounding, knees shaking, and feeling physically sick.

Outside my sixth floor motel room at the San Diego Convention, I can look out the glass door to see and “hear” my palm tree—my temporary sponsor during this Convention. The branches explode outside my room, atop 50 feet of straight, strong, and branchless trunk. The palm tree stands tall and carries a program message to all who are prepared to hear.

I am a grateful recovering sexaholic and an orthodox Jew. I have been obsessed with sex and lust almost as long as I can remember. I can recall at age twelve, sitting in the bathroom in Israel, playing with myself. By age thirteen, I was masturbating compulsively.

In September, three members of the Correctional Facilities Team of our Inter-group completed training to become One-on-One mentors in the County Detention center. Our Team has made two unsuccessful efforts to enter other county jails here in our area. Now, we have been given the opportunity to Twelfth Step some of the prisoners.

My name is Brad and I’m an addict. A SAD addict. That’s not the state of my condition; it’s the state of my life. SAD stands for Sex, Alcohol and Drugs. These aren’t the only addictions I have.

At an international conference sometime in the early 1990s, I was standing at the entrance of the hotel restaurant and I noticed some papers lying by the cash register. I picked them up and read: “Desire for Sobriety: daily renewal with sobriety partners.” I thought, hmmm, probably this wasn’t meant to be left by the cash register.

I think for me, the most important Step was Step “0.” So, before I attempted to do the SA Twelve Steps, I’ve been working on Step Zero. Here’s a format I wrote, answered, and read to my Accountability Partner and my Sponsor.

The Sexaholics Anonymous (White Book) material on the 5th Step provides excellent guidance for both the person presenting and the one hearing the Step. The book says, “Ideally, the Fifth Step should be taken with one’s sponsor…” I strongly agree. The 5th Step is addressed in Chapter 6 of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action.” I encourage you to read these sections of both books prior to meeting with your sponsor.

Are you tired of being told like it is?
Still looking for that easier, softer way?
Had enough of that same old time-tested direction?
Check us out at RENT-A-SPONSOR!!!!

I learned rage and anger early on. Why? I was neglected as a child. I was snubbed by all the beauties in high school. I was rejected by the snobs and socialites and laughed at by the affluent. I was bullied by the big jocks and harassed by the smart alecks. I was a loser at all sports and taken advantage of by the losers who were the only ones I was comfortable with. I know what it is to feel like a nobody and a nothing.

After completing my first four Steps, I wrote this essay describing my first faltering steps in the program. I know that there are others who wrestle with the same kinds of concerns that I had. Therefore, if they read my story, they might be more likely to take advantage of the help that God wants to give them through Sexaholics Anonymous.

Babies are resilient. In their attempts to learn to walk, they fall a thousand times. But they keep trying. They don’t know how to give up; in fact, they have to be restrained from trying too hard.

In recovery, I’ve learned something interesting about my telephone: it only rings when I dial numbers. When I stop dialing, it stops ringing.

The Serenity Prayer appeared in 1943 to become part of the foundation of the Alcoholics Anonymous Program. This prayer opens our meetings, graces many sobriety chips, and appears in our literature and periodicals over and over. The Serenity Prayer even commonly appears on wall plaques and in cross-stitch panels.

We doubled in size last night, from three guys at the first meeting to six guys last night. No newcomers yet, but maybe that’s okay. We need to get a feel for the direction the meetings will go. Just wanted to let you know we planted the seed, and darn thing has already begun to sprout! Now I suppose we should pray for rain?

Thanks for asking us how we are doing. We’ve had some struggles getting organized, but have a good site, and a solid core of 3-4. Some of the others with no program experience are beginning to put together some sobriety. Their excitement has been a real boost to me as well. I just celebrated a year, and am grateful for the program!

My name is Ted L., and I’m a gratefully recovering sexaholic. They say that God works in mysterious ways, and for me it’s been a doozy! I was 38 years old, and had lived a life of slavery to lust, sex, and myself. I’d been in prison for six years for rape, and was finally beginning to come to terms with the evil I had done in my life. I thought that it would help my parole chances if I could get some kind of program set up at my facility.

Dear ESSAY Reader,
In the past few months we have received a number of meditations, reflections on the Steps and the Traditions, and fascinating personal stories. We always desire more! Please keep the ESSAY in mind and send us your experience. We promise to keep working on improving our “meeting in print.”

I do my own thing

Is your 12th Step alive and well? Are you looking for an opportunity to carry the message and provide a service to those who still suffer?