In a recent meeting a member expressed his envy of so-called “normies,” men whose reactions to sexual stimuli seem to be less intense or more controlled than those that characterize sexaholics. I understood the sentiment and shared it, but also had other reactions to the notion of normality.

It occurred to me that another term for “normal” is “typical,” and that’s what I’ve come to value most about SA — its rejection of what seem to constitute typical male attitudes toward sexuality. (Or at least, in my experience, the attitudes toward sexuality most likely to be heard from men.)

And I realized how glad I am to be surrounded by men who aren’t typical. By men who conceptualize sexuality as a relational rather than a competitive endeavor, who view women as people to be understood and respected rather than challenges to be conquered or objects to be accumulated. Men who seek esteem and self-esteem through decency rather than indecency. Men who readily grapple, including openly in meetings, with emotional vulnerability and ethical responsibility, rather than affecting an attitude of not feeling and not caring. Men whose insistence on living life with decency extends with persistent intentionality to the realm of sexuality.

In my experience this expression of masculinity is far from typical, and I’m heartened and inspired to have become surrounded by so much abnormality.