I have been an SA member for 14 years. I came to my local area SA in its infancy. I have served in Intergroup, and, with the help of some dedicated members, helped to start three groups in my area.

My experience with dating in SA started after my divorce in 1995. The model I followed for dating in SA was taken directly from my AA experience, where I have been sober since 1989. My SA sponsor agreed that this plan would be suitable for me, and I followed these principles:

• I could make no major changes for one year (I was now single after divorce).
• Since I slipped in SA after my divorce, I had to get sober and work the Twelve Steps again.
• I had to develop a relationship with myself and with God. This would take at least one year.
• I had to learn about humility and demonstrate by my actions that I was learning to follow God’s will, not mine.
• I had to earn the right to date by working on myself. I agreed!

I also had some other insights: Although I had been sober for three years or more before my slip, during my divorce (a painful time), a very close SA member told me that I had nothing to offer a dating partner until I had a least one year of sobriety again and had reworked the Twelve Steps. So I began working on my relationships with God, myself, and others in this program. I did all of this and dated a few women soberly until I met the woman who is now my wife. My wife and I dated for 18 months and have been married for nine years. I was sober throughout this whole process.

I have also sponsored several others who have had good experiences following this model, which I gratefully received from AA, and from my AA sponsor.