At times I fail to recall the effort it takes for me to surrender my sexual lust on a daily basis. I pretend to think that because I have such a wonderful spiritual condition—attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings, meeting with other SA members, etc.—that I don’t need other practical solutions. But that whole line of thinking originates in my ego.
When I first came to SA I was three years divorced from a twelve-year marriage and had two kids. I always say that I was a sexaholic before I married my ex-wife, a sexaholic while married, and still a sexaholic after divorce. I knew that something was wrong with my behavior—I just couldn’t stop, even though I did not want to continue.
Recently I received new lenses for my glasses. The current ones were scratched and insurance would replace them. After the optometrist installed the lenses, I walked back to my car in the parking garage. I found myself astounded by the new clarity of my vision! I thought I should give a quick call back to the optometrist to learn what had changed my eyesight so dramatically?
Chapter 5 of the Big Book tells us that honesty is a prerequisite of recovery. What does honesty mean for me? If I lie to you, even if I know the truth inside, I’m not being honest. Why? Because my outside doesn’t match my inside truth.
A daily renewal is one of the best practices in my recovery from sexaholism. One morning my renewal partner said, “Matthew, you have UNICORN SYNDROME. You don’t realize how unique you are, how rare it is to have done the work you’ve done at your age and to have found recovery, or how unrealistic it is to expect your wife to be in the same place as you are.”
What stories have meant the most to you in this Essay?
Dear Essay, If there is nothing on our homepage (or easily accessible with one click) that displays the fruit of recovery that an inquirer is looking for, we are doing them a disservice. Now that a sample article from Essay is a click-able link on www.SA.org, we are well on the way to providing that “instant info” an inquirer might be looking for.
Dear Essay readers: This issue of Essay includes many stories on Willing to Go to Any Length. You may have heard the expression “Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who want it — not for those who need it.” Your Editors hope these stories can be helpful for those who want it anywhere in the world. As of early August there were about 5,000 downloads of the newly free electronic Essay. Our desire to be a global Meeting in Print is well underway.
Dear Essay: The SA Literature Committee has been asked to assemble an Old-Timers compilation of articles and speeches. Please contribute your favorite text, either print or on a tape or CD, and send it to SAICO by postal mail or internet at saico@sa.org.
While in Egypt in January for an SA workshop, the members took me to see some special sights. One day, three young men wanted me to see a couple of special mosques.
