February 11th, 2008 Journal Entry: I let myself float off into the beginnings of lust this morning. But this time, strangely, I had an awareness of choice: an awareness of two worlds. The first was dark, although in my addiction it could seem bright and be full of expectation and excitement.
At our Monday evening group, we had an instance of a male SA being inappropriate with a female SA to the point where we had to ask for guidance. What an eye-opener to find out that there were no suggestions, no guidelines, no experience, strength, or hope that anyone I contacted had to share.
I know I am powerless over lust because of my inability to stop acting out despite knowing the outcomes and consequences. The ways I am powerless are many: I’ve continued to act out alone despite knowing that practicing the compulsion is directly opposed to becoming sober and maintaining sobriety.
I don’t know why you’re not able to stay sober, but I don’t think it’s the incapacity to be honest. Agonizing over that is like agonizing over grieving the Spirit—it happens to very few people.
Thanks to everyone who attended the “Welcome Home” convention in Akron the weekend of July 11-13, 2008. A total of 636 people attended the convention; 434 SA members and 202 S-Anons. Twenty-one people received scholarships.
Although I’ve been a member of SA since January 2000, my sobriety date is January 1, 2007. At times, I’ve felt extremely frustrated with my lack of continuous SA sobriety—especially when compared with my 23 years of sobriety in AA.
What it was like. I enjoyed my first convention in the place where it all started. My cell phone’s background screen now has a picture of the gatehouse where Dr. Bob and Bill W. first met. When I open my phone, I say a prayer of thanks to God for the Twelve Steps.
God led me to a place I hadn’t been before, to be with men I didn’t know. Why? To allow me to build on my experience, strength, and hope in recovery from sexual addiction. He took me to the Big Bear men’s retreat this past spring.
Yesterday marked two years of sobriety for me. Prior to my sobriety date of May 24, 2006, I can’t remember having gone two days without acting out in the previous 30 years. For my sobriety and so much more, I am forever grateful to the program and to the fellowship of SA.
My name is Will. I’m a sexaholic and part of a recovering couple. I’ve been sexually sober since January 5, 2000.
